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Sunday, November 16

The Obligation of Unwanted Fatherhood

The following is an excerpt from an article from the Boston news on-line at http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2006/03/23/the_obligation_of_unwanted_fatherhood/





A 25-year-old computer programmer in Michigan, Dubay wants to know why it is only women who have "reproductive rights." He is upset about having to pay child support for a baby he never wanted. Not only did his former girlfriend know he didn't want children, says Dubay, she had told him she was infertile. When she got pregnant nonetheless, he asked her to get an abortion or place the baby for adoption. She decided instead to keep her child and secured a court order requiring him to pay $500 a month in support.


Not fair, Dubay complains. His ex-girlfriend chose to become a mother. It was her choice not to have an abortion, her choice to carry the baby to term, her choice not to have the child adopted. She even had the option, under the "baby safe haven" laws most states have enacted, to simply leave her newborn at a hospital or police station. Roe v. Wade gives her and all women the right - the constitutional right! - to avoid parenthood and its responsibilities. Dubay argues that he should have the same right, and has filed a federal lawsuit that his supporters are calling "Roe v. Wade for men." Drafted by the National Center for Men, it contends that as a matter of equal rights, men who don't want a child should be permitted, early in pregnancy, to get "a financial abortion" releasing them from any future responsibility to the baby.


Does Dubay have a point? Of course. Contemporary American society does send very mixed messages about sex and the sexes. For women, the decision to have sex is the first of a series of choices, including the choice to abort a pregnancy - or, if she prefers, to give birth and collect child support from the father. For men, legal choices end with the decision to have sex. If conception takes place, he can be forced to accept the abortion of a baby he wants - or to spend at least the next 18 years turning over a chunk of his income to support a child he didn't want.


Do you feel that a man should be responsible for parenthood of a child no matter what? Even if he was told by the woman she was sterile?

129 comments:

Athena Smith said...

Last term we discussed this article in class. The opinions did not follow gender-based expectations. One male had said "You've got to protect your seed" whereas a female had strongly supported that ultimately the responsibility lies with the woman.
It was a very interesting discussion.

Florida Mom said...

Unwanted Fatherhood? Oh please give me a break- here’s a quick solution, use a condom or don’t have sex! I’m pretty sure she did not rape the guy. As for her claiming to be infertile, maybe she thought she was-who knows. I hope this guy has heard about the birds and the bees by now. As a single mother, I am disgusted by this guy. It is not every girl’s dream to get pregnant and stiff the guy with the child support bill. While five hundred dollars seems like a lot of money, you really have to think about this from the other point of view, children are a bit more expensive to take care of than a dog. If this guy thinks he has some crime committed against him because his girlfriend was too maternal to kill her baby or give it away , I do not feel sorry for him. He should grow up and realize it is too late to whine about it now, he has a child –even though it doesn’t sound like he deserves one. Life is full of decisions and choices, he made a bad decision and the baby is a consequence. Maybe he will wear condoms if the future to avoid these “unwanted” children.

Jason Raimondo said...

Unfortunalty for this guy, there is no way for him to prove that his baby's mother said that she couldn't have kids. The man lacks the right to demand abortion or adoption because the baby is a shared responsibility that came from a shared act. And it is because of this same reasoning that he shares the financial burden in paying 500 dollars a month in child support.
In hindsight we can all say that he should have done this, or she should have done that, but really nobody did what they should have done.The truth is that people shouldn't have sex if they do not want to risk having children. But, the reality is that people all over the world are having sex even if they don't want children. I have to view sex for people who don't want children like Russian Roullette. As a married adult who does not want children at this point in my life, I take measures to prevent it from happening. But, it can still happen. If you look around the table at a family gathering, chances are that you are looking at a bunch of unplanned children, mistakes, and night's unwisely spent at home. Children happen just as easily as sex happens. I think that this 500 dollar a month, rent-a-dad should come to grips with the realities of life, and adult actions, sign his checks and move on. If the guy feels so strongly against children then I have no doubt that he would be a bad father. I think that it is proper that he pay child support because it's his "soldiers" that fertilized the egg, and helped cause this baby mama drama. I think you should take your sexual partners out to the beach or somewhere quiet and talk for a VERY LONG TIME. -If this person is not a real adult, or this person is a bigger mess than you are, then you should abstain from further relations with this person, and look for someone else. I saw an AIDS prevention poster somewhere that said "If you just can't wait, then masterbate." Maybe that's a better option than clogging up courtrooms with your personal problems. I wish that I could financially abort all kinds of things, but it just isn't going to happen. Sperm make kids, and kids cost money, so you have to pay for your kids. That seems simple to me. If you want to be a swinging single then get a vasectomy like most of my more responsible friends do. Otherwise good luck to you.

sweetmenthol said...

I think being fair to the men is not the case at hand, the man that wants to avoid paying child support to a girlfriend should learn to use condom and most importantly use their head when dealing with having sex with a woman that is not your wife. Because, the type of woman that tells a man that she is sterile and that the man should go ahead and have sex with her, is tricking the man.That is why the men should use their head and think twice before doing it.Even if not to protect unwanted babies but for the sake of not contacting sexual transmitted disease, always use condom if and when you do it. court case would be avoided and you can save the monthly checks for better things.

CBurke7 said...

Well, in this guy's case i understand where he is coming from. She shouldn't of told him she was infertile and since she said that she is pretty much scamming him. BUT, there are those men who tell there women they want kids and try and get them pregnant and then when the woman finally does, the guy leaves and thinks he shouldn't have to pay. I think that it all depends on the case and that if your not ready for a child then keep it in your pants and keep your legs closed, OR use some other kinds of protection.

Snake said...

Obviously the guy should understand that if he's going to have sex with a women that she has a chance to get pregnant. There are to many variables in the world that support this. Even if she said that she was infertile, if the guy truely wanted to make sure that she couldn't get pregnant, he should have done extra protection and used a condom. Double check yourself dude! Make sure that you have a back up plan for it if the first one fails. If she says that she's infertile, use a condom anyway to be double secured. So yes even if she said that she was sterile, I still think that the the man should at least have some responsiblilty for the child. Think ahead man.

Artimid said...

Aha, Roe vs Wade for Men is what this is called.

Yes, men should have a choice! Roe vs Wade is what causes young boys who are raped to have to pay child support to their abusers because the woman who raped him wants to have the child! We have no say whatsoever, if we don't want the child the states come after us, if we didn't know about the child they come after us even 20+ years later, and even if we are RAPED we are forced to pay. There is also the case of the man sued for child support by the woman and her wife who had his child, from the sperm they got at center.

It is horrible, and until choices like this are available for men like it is women, we should go ahead and just stop having kids.

Florida Mom: It takes two to tango, try a pill. I know it sounds bad, but the condom is the only choice for men, as feminist groups opposed the "pill for men."
Also, for you people saying he just "doesn't want to pay" I can point you to some articles where the guys didn't want to pay for somethings like.. Oohhh, the mother of his children killed one of his kids, and he still couldn't get custody.. and stuff like that. It isn't as simple as him not -wanting- to pay, it is a matter of women having full choice and men having none. It is either no sex, or life-time of paying.

Roe vs Wade is not fair, and it needs to be changed. This guy has no obligation, and for men there aren't even court documents we can sign that would prevent him from having to pay child support, or enjoying a prison cell and STILL being made to pay child support.

Quoting from http://www.theforbiddenknowledge.com/hardtruth/roevswades.htm
"A man cannot require the woman, with whom he is married, to bear his child to term, but a woman can require a man, with whom no relationship exists other than a casual sexual encounter, to support a child that she unilaterally chooses to have. The argument for the status-quo is; "It takes two to make a baby." That is just rhetoric designed to justify a means. The only thing that a man creates, as defined by the pro-choice movement itself, is an "unviable tissue mass". As a result of the "Roe vs. Wade" decision, it is solely the woman that makes the conscious and deliberate "choice" to cultivate that "tissue mass" into a living and breathing entity. If the woman has the right to excise that "tissue mass" from her reproductive system, without any regards for man involved, then the man should have the same right to disavow that "tissue mass"."

Now, this doesn't say that there are no deadbeats, I know one myself who I happen to no longer talk to, but this does say that the father needs to be TOLD, first off. He has a right to know the woman is pregnant, and at that time he can say yay or nay, and that choice needs to be followed. He can't wait until the kid is 13 and does something he doesn't like, or during a divorce settlement (where he will lose everything anyways). It needs to be a choice, just like the mother has.

Artimid said...

By the way, I am not saying don't use condoms. >_< I actually prefer people adopt instead of procreating themselves, and I believe the world would be better off if everyone just stopped reproducing for a few years.

To many children need homes, and sex is nothing more than a tool of reproduction, and I do not advocate casual sex in any way, shape, or form. Read a book, play a game, something. <(~_~)>

Athena Smith said...

The student with the display name "Hot Blonde" emailed me the following comment:

"I feel like the man should be responsibile for parenthood. Whether he likes it or not, he is the father of that child. It's not the childs fault for being consumed so why should it suffer and be aborted? The man should've taken proper precautions with the girl if he didn't want to have a child with her. It isn't fair to the mother to have to pay for everything for the baby and know that the father wants absolutely nothing to do with it, not even to help him live by giving a measily $500 a month. It isn't the womans fault for having the baby. What if the woman was told wrong? There are plenty of women in the world who are told they are sterile and by some miracle have a baby. It's reality. He should not be able to walk out of that childs life like he was never in it. It's not fair to the baby or the mother."

amooney2 said...

I have said it before and I will say it again: SELF ACCOUNTABILITY. This man says that he doesn't want children, so what did HE do to protect himself? NOTHING. If his feelings toward parenthood are as strong as he proclaims, there are a few precautions he should have taken to ensure that he would not become a parent. However, that is not the case. He made choices to have sex, which has the result of pregnancy, and then blames someone else for the result of his actions. I fail to see where he should be let off of the hook for child support. I have a hard time being empathetic to someone who complains of burns when they knowingly played with fire. A child has been conceived and born. It is now time to man up and nurture and raise this child. With some luck and love, hopefully it will become a better man than his father. Jeff Jacoby penned it perfectly when he wrote " …… but on the whole it was realistic: It recognized that sex has consequences. It bound men to the women they impregnated and made sure that children had dads as well as moms."

fender71 said...

This could all be prevented with protected sex. EASY!!! No matter if she tells you that she is infertile or not you should always be prepared with protection of your own. As for fatherhood, that child is a part of you, it is half yours and you have a responsibility no matter if someone lied or you have an accident. You are obligated to be a father if she does have your child. Once again this could all be prevented though with correct measures of protection and knowlegde.

kndglv@yahoo.com said...

The United States Supreme Court upholds a woman's right to choose. They base this on the 14th Amendment of the Constitution.
There needs to be something added to protect men's reproductive rights. It is completely unfair for the courts to force unwanted paternity. If a woman decides to take her pegnancy to term, againts the man's will, there sould be a simple form a he can sign, to waive his parental responsibilities/rights. I do not think a man has a voice of what a woman should to do with the her body, but he should not be extorted by the fruits of her decision either. Having a baby should be one of the most beautiful experiences of one's life, not some kind of cruel prison sentence. The 14th Amendment is about protecting both sexes civil liberties---men and women.

sduffy3 said...

I can understand this man's point of view somewhat because he did think this woman was unable to bear children- but come on. Any normal person would ask questions. I know I would. You can't always just take someone's word, because for the most part it's not worth a whole lot.

I believe that if you are not ready for the responsibility of a child then you should take the necessary precautions. Whether it be condoms, the pill, or abstinance, do not have sex if you cannot handle the consequences.

This "Roe vs Wade for men" thing is much too drastic. If we allow this, there will be a lot of men not supporting their children, which is unfair. It is up to both the woman and the man to make a smart decision AND take care of the child. Although, I do think that men are entitled to a say in the matter. If the women decides to keep the child when the father absolutely disagrees, then he should be entitled to have his child support waived. But ONLY if the decision is made at the very beginning of pregnancy. A cop out option does not need to be offered.

If a child is conceived, then it should be taken care of. That is really my only concern.

figlio della lupa said...

haha I remember this being discussed in class. I was wanting the article to show a friend so kudos to that!
America likes to promote itself as a society were the genders are equal. However, equality means everyone gets the same..not some get more than others, and that goes for both.
Unfortunately, I think that gender roles will always be there. So I think the deal is that men are always expected to take responsibility of their child..no matter the condition.
Now, if the woman tricked the man into doing it..then I think it is wrong. She said she was infertile and I don't think it's fair that he was manipulated into having unprotected sex so she could have a baby.

Lessner said...

Yes I do feel that a man should be responsible for a baby that he didn't want no matter what.If a man didn't want to have children then he should always wear a condom or get a vasectomy so that he can't have kids. The blame and responsibility shouldn't always be put on the woman.Women don't always have the right answer or the knowledge of sexual consequences if they are at an immature level.Blame falls on both parents and both parents should be responsible.As far as financial responsibility, the cost of raising a child costs hell of a lot more than six thousand dollars a year.Men are usually left off the hook when it comes to the real cost of raising a child. The total cost of raising a child until college years is around $188,000 according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture's 2006 Annual Report so this man needs to stop whining about the chump change he is court ordered to pay which he probably won't pay anyway. Child support payments are not always enforced. And what I find amusing is that men who complain about paying child support have no problem buying a $40,000 car or spending $3000 or more on a high definition television set for themselves.I guess it's more about a man's instant personal gratification than it is about his child's health and welfare because I know it is not really about the amount of money he has to spend. If you don't want a child,protect yourself and put the responsibility where it belongs, on you.

Ian Quinn said...

All right this is simple. If you have a child... You're responsible! If you decide to abandon the kid and never plan to attempt to raise it, at least pay your child support. No excuses blaming the mother for misleading you to believe that she was infertile, or claiming that since you asked her to get an abortion you should be exempt from paying child support. When it comes to reproduction, women have a ridiculously harder workload compared to men. Women deal with a 9 month pregnancy where every health involved move they make has an effect on their unborn child. The mother then has to go through a physically/emotionally demanding labor process to deliver the child. A man's only biological responsibility during reproduction is during sex, and that's it. However, out of decency, most men care for their woman during the pregnancy, and help with the baby. On the other hand, you've got this Dubay punk who wants a mulligan on his seed. "Not fair, Dubay complains." Well guess what, life isn't fair, and if you make a child, and decide to take no part in helping out the mother, or the baby, you can't try to weasel your way out of child support.

Gator_Gal5 said...

As a child who doesn't know her birth father because he left my mother a week after I was born. I have no idea why he left. I don't know if it was my fault or my mom's or what! He doesn't pay child support or anything. I believe that if he didn't want a child he shouldn't have had sex with my mom or they should have used a condom or something. It hurts not knowing who your father is! Maybe he was too young to be a father because my mom was 15 when she got pregnant and 16 when she had me or maybe he was older then her and wasn't ready to commit. I wish I knew more about him but I'm afraid to ask my mom! When I found out my "step dad" (who's been there since I was 3 months old) wasn't my dad it was hard on me. I found out when I was 13 from my aunt (who wasn't suppose to tell me) but my parents didn't find out I knew till a year later when I was 14!

As for a man thinking a woman is sterile because she says, is still his fault. Even when women are told by a doctor that they're sterile, there's still that slight chance that she'll have a child. There's been proven records about women who weren't able to have children having them anyway. It's the grace of god (or whatever higher power you believe in) that hyas helped you have a miracle baby. The man still should have used some kind of protection. I believe that this man should still have to pay child support since he doesn't plan on being in the baby's life. I mean he should know enough about sex to know that there's always a chance of a woman getting pregnant NO MATTER WHAT!

mescobar3 said...

Unwanted fatherhood? For this particular case it really is a tragedy if the girl says shes infertile and then gets pregant and keeps the baby. However, fact of the matter is when it comes to these situations do not take someone elses word for it. Use a condom and be protected to avoid these situations. As far as having a say in the matter, personally i dont think the women should have a 100% say, however ultimately it does come down to what women want.
Therefore i have a great solution to this whole problem. Don't have a sex, or be protected and use a condom!

jayci57 said...

I kind of go both ways with this situation. I feel like if a woman finds out she is pregnant, the decision to keep the child needs to be between the mother AND the father. But what happens when they don't agree? I also feel like if the man is mature enough to have sex and make a baby, he should also be mature enough to deal with the consequences. Mistakes happen, and if you are not careful enough to make sure the mistake doesn't happen, you must deal with the repercussions.

Crystal said...

I definatly do NOT think that the man should be responsible. Women have many options for getting pregnant, and getting out of a pregnancy. If she truly did not want the child she would not have kept it. I definately think that if she lied and told the guy she was sterile he should not be responsible for the child. She did it on purpose therefore she should pay the price. You can not make a man pay for a child he never wanted or claimed. I just think it is a horrible thing for men who are court ordered to pay child support for children they had no intention of having. Now if he denied her the option to abort or put the child up for adoption or some other alternative then yes he should be responsible because he never gave her the option. But in this article the woman blatently lied and set him up pretty much and that should not be allowed.

Jecka said...

This is kind of difficult I can understand men in a way because woman and only woman can make life changing choices. On the other hand whether he wanted a child or not the child is here and I think he should take some financial responsibilities. If he was that obsessed with not having children he should have taken more precautions. Methods such as condoms or even a vasectomy if he didn’t want children that bad. I think at this time it's a little too late. For future purposes I think we should include men in these choices because it is their child as well. I feel they are affected just as much as women are in these decisions.

Artimid said...

"Lessner: Yes I do feel that a man should be responsible for a baby that he didn't want no matter what.If a man didn't want to have children then he should always wear a condom or get a vasectomy so that he can't have kids. The blame and responsibility shouldn't always be put on the woman.Women don't always have the right answer or the knowledge of sexual consequences if they are at an immature level."

Alright, then I feel that the woman should be held responsible for the baby they didn't want, and abortions no longer are an option. If they have get pregnant than they MUST have the child, and that is it. Men can either wear a condom(Of course, they always should) or get life altering surgery? Really? What if they -do- want to have children eventually? So, unlike women, they can NEVER have kids, or never have sex? Btw, women have saved the condoms and used the semen inside of them to get pregnant before, and guess what? The men are responsible for that, the same as if the condom was defective. Sucks for men, again!

Also, for the maturity level that makes women not responsible for sex, you are kidding right? That would be the worst excuse I have ever heard, because I look at it the other way. Women have to many methods to avoid pregnancy, and if she is having sex unprotected herself, she is doing so with the direct idea of wanting to get pregnant.

Also, this guy only had to pay $500 a month, some guys have to pay in the thousands. Matter of fact, recently in the news one person was required to pay something like $5k a month, and some have to pay more. There is also the guy who lost 1.5 million to pay for his ex-wife's horses, because they need to be cared for.

"Lessner: And what I find amusing is that men who complain about paying child support have no problem buying a $40,000 car or spending $3000 or more on a high definition television set for themselves."

So you know, the vast majority of men paying child support live well below the poverty line. Most of these guys give more than 75% of their paychecks to child support, and have to also furnish a home if they are granted, by the mercy of the court, the right to ever see their children again. They are NOT going out and buying this, you watch to much tv. No offense. I could go on about what you posted, but the rest is basically from the same source, someones imagination.


All in all, my advice to the men, stay away from women. If you -are- going to sleep with them, get signed court documents outlining what you are going to do, get a verbal contract on video, and maybe then you might have a bit of protection under this law of ours.
(No offense to the decent women out there who truly had problems with men, and no offense to the men who have been ripped off, harrassed, lied to/about, and harmed when it comes to dealing with the other part of our species.)

Sneakers10 said...

i think that the guy shuld been smart. He should of used protection. its called bieng safe. Even if she said she was "infertile", he should of still worn protection. If he wants it or not, it was his sperm. his kid. He should of taught ahead!
now hes just whining now nd complaing because hes paying 500 dollars for HIS OWN KID! thats dumb.
Its not the kids fauld that he was unwanted, the parents should take responsibiltes for thier own actions.

glr_osorio said...

if a guy decides to have sex a female he should take it upon himself to use the necessary precaution in ex condoms, pulling out or better yet dont have sex that way he wouldnt risk "unwanted parenthood". being lied to about being sterlie is no excuse to not have safe sex. 500 dollars may seem like alot of money but come to think it it really isnt. kids are expensive really expensive formula alone is like 30bucks and that doesnt last no more than 2weeks. so i dont see why hes complaining about having to pay 500 when the mother is the one paying way more than 500 anf shes also doing all the hard work by herself! he really needs to mature and grow up!! act your age and not your shie size complaining about it now isnt going to do much now is iy its not going to change the fact that you have a kid so suck it up and take it like a man! and now you know for next time use CONDOMS!!!!!

livelaughlove said...

The way i see it is if the man did not want children, he shouldn't of had sex this woman. Or he should of at least had the common sense to use a condom, or some sort of protection. Yea, she shouldn't of lied, but its her decision once she got pregnant to keep the child or not. Who knows, maybe she didn't know she was fertile and could become pregnant. Either way, she wasn't the only one who took part in the action of having sex he was there preforming the act just as well. It's his child just as much as it is hers so he needs to suck it up, be a man and take responsibility for his actions!

RAwildcats06 said...

I think that if the man did not want the baby he needed to protect himself with a condom. Any woman can lie or be wrong about being infertile. If he wanted to make sure he needed to go with her to be tested! There are many men that do not want kid when they have them but they had sex now they have to take care of the baby. I know my father did not want to have me or my older brother when my mom got pregnant but he stood up like a man and raise us right. Men just need to take responsibility and be a father to their baby or help support the baby.

lkm1991 said...

I do feel some empathy in the situation between Dubay and the mother of his child. However, it is not for either of them, it is for the poor child who is coming into the world as an accident of his mother and unwanted and resented by his father. It is really very simple. There is enough technology in this world and enough common sense to avoid creating a life. If you don't want to have children, minimize the risk by using a condom. If you are too lazy to do that, abstain all together. Sexual relationships are not a right for a couple who are "dating" they are a choice. If you can't make good choices in life, be prepared to accept the responsibilities for the bad and irresponsible choices you make. As for Rose vs Wade for men? Forget it! It's not happening! May God bless and take care of that child.

Jessica said...

This is another example of a person not wanting to take responsibility for their actions. First, she did not force him to have sex with her and he chose to take her word that she was infertile. He decided to believe so strongly in what she told him that he didn't take further preventative actions. That, I believe, is his fault. He has no way to prove that she said that.

Furthermore, making this lawsuit is doing nothing more than hurting the only victim in this case- the child. Yes, he said he did not want the child, and keeps reiterating that fact, but his lack of preventative measures made that child happen.

As for anyone who says that the woman should have used the pill... the difference between a woman's contraceptive and a man's is that a woman's is far dangerous. Though I do not believe the pill is an entirely bad thing, many women have received bad side effects and should not be forced to be putting poison (yes, that is what medicine is; it is poison mixed to have some sort of effect on the body) in her body. A man only has to wear a condom which, when used correctly, is effective.

As I said, the only one who is really the victim in the entire ordeal is the child. Selfishness will make children suffer because both parents made a mistake.

Athena Smith said...

Gator Gal5
I fully understand what you are saying about not knowing. It can be and it is hurtful. However, my personal opinion is that the parent is not the person who "created" the child in a biological sense, but the person who raised him/her.
Also, a common secret that many parents harbor, is that "love" (in the long-term sense) towards our children did not flood through us by giving birth but by raising them.
I hope this is not taken the wrong way....

DiamondSteel47 said...

I believe that men deserve just as many rights concerning being a parent as the women do. However in this case I believe the man was also at fault because he didnt use propoer protection and now has a child that he doesnt want. I was watching TV, and this women had a baby, filed a child support claim against another guy who is not the father, and she didnt even have to sumbit DNA test to prove the guy she was the father. In the end she ended up sucking the guy dry for about 3 years, because there was nothing to the guy could do.

krosselle said...

I believe that a baby is a shared responsibility coming from a shared act. Whether she lied about being infertile or not, it is still your choice to have sex and with this comes specific obligations. Each parent should feel obligated to help out in the raising of a child and I believe it is sick for someone to actually want to get out of caring for their child whether caring is by monthly child support or by actually housing the infant. This should be an honor to raise someone so precious and if that child hears how the father does not feel he should share this "burden"(the child) then how do you think it will affect that child in his/her future. That is extremely hurtful to think that you are not worth time/money by your father.

CandaceRenee07 said...

Of course the man should be responsible for parenthood of a child just like a woman does. The man has just as big of a role of creating the child and bringing it into the world as the woman does. There are several ways of preventing pregnancy so if you don’t want a child, use these contraceptives. Girls lie, just like guys lie. Even if the girl claims she is sterile, what does it hurt to use a condom? If sexually active people would just be responsible enough to take precautions to prevent these pregnancies, we wouldn’t have this discussion. Guys, and girls, want the easy way out and for the most part, do not want to take responsibility of their own actions.

Ronald O. Horne said...

I think this is a very bad situation for both. I don’t think it’s the women’s fault at all. I mean you can trust anyone these days. He should have not only wore a condom to protect himself from having a kid just INCASE that she got pregnant on that small chance. I think anyone that thinks that everything is going to go the way you expect it is ignorant and blind. I don’t see why he would take someone’s word like that and nothing is ever 100% guaranteed. The women should have thought of this too though that maybe, just maybe that something might still happen. I think a women should have control over her body and what happens to it. If she lets a guy have unprotected sex with her then shes running the risk just like he is. So all in all I think they are both dumb and both blind to what can still happen even if she was truly unfertile. And you shouldn’t trust anyone.

Ballinasian said...

I don't know really a woman can say whatever she wants and the bottom line is that it is her body and mainly her choice to keep it or not. Now lying to the man isn't definitely not the way to go because that will bring on confusion and end up similar to a story like this. But, a man should have a decision on the matter of keeping the baby or not. I like the financial abortion thing that is a pretty good idea.

goodriddens said...

First of all the man should have used a condom either wat, but I do believe he has a point. If his girlfriend knew he didnt want kids and even lied and told him she was unable to have kids, but yet is now making him pay for child support is wrong because it was her lie that led to the kid. But if we change the law to where men dont have to pay child support if they "dont want" the kid then think of all the fathers out there that are going to try to make it to where they "didn't" wnat the kid, when it was thier choice to not use a condom. But near the end of the article it said something about men who want to be fathers but have to settle for an abortion because it is utimately the womens choice....well I think that should be changed because if I personally get a women pregnant and she doesn't want the kid, I would ask her to keep and if she got an abortion anyway I would be upset as I could be. So I think the "Roe v Wade for men" so make it to where if the men can prove the were not wanting ot have kids, and the women lied they shouldn't have to pay child support, but mostly I think it should change it to where the father has a say in the abortion to where he can make the women have the kid so he can take care of him/her, or atleast prove to a judge he wants and could support the child, So the judge can make her have the child. Really I dont think the man who is saying he didn't want the kid is telling the truth cause most men just don't care and dont wanna pay; But I hope at least one outcome will come from this: that the abortion law will change to give men atleast some rights in the choice of abortion

bellabelle66 said...

You know, I do believe that men should take responsibility for parenthood of their own child, however I think it is a sick thing when a woman tricks a man into getting pregnant whether it be to "lock" him in the relationship or to reap the benefits of child support. It is one of those decisions where you are damned if you do damned if you don't. I do believe that a man should step up and take the responsibility of supporting their child. If his significant other did it maliciously, it should not matter knowing that that is still your son and your blood.

TheSexyTeddyBear said...

yes. the answer is plain and simple. a man should be responsible for his seed no matter what the circumstances are. i dont care if the women was "sterile" or not you take care of whats yours and thats that! i know if i were to have a child right now i would help raise it to the best of my abilities and would make no excuses for my actions. even though today would probably be the most inopportune time for me i would still be responsible for my actions and accept the consequences of them, which i think should be accepted universally by all males.

JK said...

I feel if this guy didnt want a kid he should have wore a condom. He didnt know for sure that she was infertile well of course she wasnt because he wouldnt be dealing with it now. This guy no matter what should take the responsibility of the child including the concequences. It is his kid so he should pay the 500 a month. He cant put all the responsability on the mother when it technicly is his kid too.
Also i feel that the male should have just as much say into if he wants to have the child of if he doesnt.It should be determined on more then just the girls opinion, money, jobs, and stability should be key factors in the desision.

yo moma said...

I believe a man should take care of his child and the mother of his child no matter what. but when it somes to bsically being tricked into having a babay, he deserves some space, but as a responsible man, he should still help. definitely not as much as the court asked him to. if a woman told me she was infertile, and basically egged me on to not use a condom, she is putting it upon herself to deal with the consequences and should instead of saying its our duty to take care of it and just labeling us as one more guy who doesnt care!!!!! BIT@# you said you couldnt even have a baby!! its the same thing as a partner telling you they dont have stds n a couple months later you have aids. you can take that to court and win, but when it comes to a baby its always the guys fault. I AM TELLING THIS AS A MAN TO ALL OTHER MEN: I KNOW CONDOMS DONT FEEL AS GOOD AS WITHOUT ONE HAHAHA DONT WE ALL KNOW, BUT YOU HAVE TO PROTECT #1 FROM INSTANCES LIKE THESE AND ALL OTHER BULLSH!$ OUTCOMES!!!

auroralights said...

This woman is a manipulative liar. She chose to become a mother, and now she's trying to get her baby daddy to pay for it for her. It was extremely unfair for her to do this and then force him to pay. The man makes some good points--all the choices are the mother's. I do not think this man should have to pay child support--if he's telling the truth, that he thought she was infertile.

incendiary said...

As soon as I read this question, to be honest, I was appalled that it would even be asked. If a woman gets pregnant and the man says, and even if he genuinely thinks he is sterile, then does the woman not still have a responsibility to the child? The same exact manner should apply to the male, unless there are specific stipulations such as handicaps, or any similar thing which would make the man incapable of taking care of the child. Of course a man should have to take responsibility for parenthood no matter what. It takes two people to make a child, whether one wants to admit that or not, the fact of the matter is that it takes two people, thus two people should have to take responsibility. Unless for some off chance case, the child would be better off, which I understand there are certain circumstances where this would apply, in an adoption home, or other similar situation, there should be no excuse for not taking responsibility. If one does not wish to get pregnant, then they should learn to use protection. I hate to preach, but at the end of the day that is the only way out of the situation.

Little One said...

I do feel a man is responsible for parenthood no matter what. I am sure there are specific situations in which maybe it was not the guy’s fault of the pregnancy. Because lets face it some women are very sneaky and deceitful. However, the men choose to have sex with the women. This does not just go for men, women should also hold responsibility for the consequences of their actions and the consequence in this scenario is a baby. This particular guy slept with a woman that lied to him to such an extent as to tell him she was sterile. All I have to say to this guy is “You shouldn’t of slept with somebody you didn’t trust.”

Nelly12345 said...

I feel that men should claim responsibility in almost all cases when it comes to accidental pregnancy. In this specific case, I believe it is unfair because the woman was deceitful and told the man the she could not have children, therefore of course the man is not going to use any protection, why should he? On the other hand, 90% of the time, the man in the relationship knows that the woman can get pregnant at any time, and still complains and tried to dodge responsibility if/when it happens, this is 100% W-R-O-N-G!! If the woman decides to keep the baby, its the mans responsibility to support that baby. But in this specific case, yes I can see why the man was upset.

ALong said...

This is the way I look at it: when you have unprotected sex, you are agreeing to many things. Getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant is one of those agreements. Therefore, I believe that both the male and the female are equally responsible if they were to get pregnant.If one person wants an abortion and the other does not, it should be left up to the courts. I think it was wrong of this girl to tell the guy she was sterile, (maybe she thought she was) but the guy still took a chance. There are risks in everything we do; so both parties are responsible.

PixieBob said...

I do not believe that any one person has the right to force life decisions upon another. I am a big advocate of Womens rights but I don't believe those rights include negating men's right to choose.
This being said I think that men should man up and realize that if they don't want consequences such as children then they should take precautions to ensure this doesn't happen.No matter what a woman says, use your head- and use a condomn-Every time.

chantillylace26 said...

I believe that it is a choice between a man and a woman to have sex. Once you get into that part of the relationship, you both should have the understanding that having a child is a possibility regardless of what the fertility rate is between the couple. No matter the circumstances, a father and a mother should be held responsible for their child. I do agree that a man should have his rights and say so in the matter. A woman should consult with the father regardless of her feelings towards him. In this situation, I do think the father and the mother should be held equally respobsible for their child. He should have known that there is always the possibility of getting pregnant, and taken the protective measures accordingly.

supergirl said...

I think that the “Roe vs. Wade for men” case is great. It makes sense that this guy wants equal rights as women but the situation goes back to them having sex in the first place. I understand that he claims that she told him that she was infertile, and that can most definitely affect his views on using a condom, but the fact of the matter is that they had sex, created a life, and the woman didn’t want to give up a child that she thought was impossible to have. If you think about it from her perspective, (assuming what Dubay said is true) she thought she’d never be able to have a child of her own. So when she found out that she was pregnant, she must have been elated. If I were in that situation I wouldn’t give up the child either. He is responsible for accounting for his actions. He has a child with this woman and he should want to help this child by paying child support.
I’m not sure how I feel about a man being responsible for a child no matter what. I think that if the man wants, the case should be looked in to. There are exceptions for everything. But, I think that if men have the right to get “a financial abortion” from their responsibilities to pay child support it will open a door to a potentially large problem. If you give an inch, people take a mile. Once you show tolerance for a situation, it can become a serious trend. Pretty soon, men all over will be attempting to gain this financial abortion to obtain the easy way out. I don’t know if I fully trust Dubay. I think he should grow up, grow some balls and accept the consequences for his actions.

pachrique said...

Obviously the ability to sign a paper and have no responsibility for a child should be done based on case, and not let just any guy sign it because he knocked up some broad.

Now, first, let me say to all the guys saying "wear a condom". Honestly, if you're with a woman and she tells you shes either on the pill or unable to get pregnant you're going to wear a condom? Don't lie and say you would.

Now everyone has to understand that "Roe v. Wade" gives women the right to do all of the follow and stick child support on a man. Lie about being infertile, stop taking their pill and not tell you, poke holes in condoms, and rape men. They do anyone of these things and get pregnant they can carry it to term and stick the guy with a huge bill every month.

I do not agree that a man should be responsible during anyone of these times. Whether or not Dubay wore a condom isn't the point here. He was under the understanding that she couldn't get pregnant, whether she lied about it or not. She knew he didn't want kids and filing for child support after she knew that actually seems like she was lying.

If a woman doesn't want kids and a man tells you he cant have children and somehow gets a woman pregnant, the woman has a choice to not have the baby. Men deserve the same right.

Saying the man has no rights in the decision is complete BS

Of course take responsibility for your actions, and the ability for sign a financial abortion paper shouldn't be granted to just any more. However, in cases like this I feel the option should be there.

DannyBoy said...

The man should know that there is always a chance of getting the woman pregnant.Even if she tells him that she is sterile he should have the common sense to wear a condom or somthing.And if it does result in the woman getting pregnant,he should have the obligation of taking care of that child because he did not have the for sight or the common sense to just put a condom on.Unless the woman some how forces you to have sex with her and gets pregnant I believe that the man is just as responsible for that child as the mother is.

Hay Naku said...

The responsibility lies with both of them, however the man cannot just bail out because he claims to have been fooled or better yet careless. This may be a bad example but if you go to a dealership and buy a lemon because you trust everything the salesman says and don't check any of the information, you simply want a car, it is your fault. There are measures he could've taken to prevent him from having to be in that position. If legislation passes in his favor it simply means an even more male dominated society and some women will be forced to have abortions when they don't want to. It's about time he grows up.

London Skies said...

I think in this situation he should not have to pay child suport, not only did she tell him she was sterile but he made it clear that he didn't want children. I also believe this is a very rare case and that if he wins it will cause many problems in the future because men will try to claim that their girlfriend told them she was sterile when they didn't ever say that. I also think that if a guy gets a girl pregnant under normal circumstances but doesn't want to keep the baby and she does, then yes he should be held responsibly because he chose to take that chance. Everyone needs to keep in mind that nothing is fool proof, condoms nor birth control are 100% (I would know, seeing as how I am a single mother and we did use protection). So be very careful!

Caduceus01 said...

This is a hard one. It takes two to dance. But, I think women will always have the uppper hand on this one. I wonder how women would feel if they were setup the same way. Could a man have sex with a woman and then force to have the baby she did not want and then force her to pay up to 50% of her annual income so that he could realize his dream of being a father. I do not know if any man has thus far attempted such a thing, but it is quite a novel idea. That way he could reduce the cost of raising a child by about 50%. But he could also get some vacation time from raising the child by forcing the mother to watch the child when he wanted to travel or whatever. If I were younger I might consider this idea sounds pretty good if you could get it to fly. Men have always had the upper hand when it come to the gender thing might as well let the women have this one.

Athena Smith said...

Caduceus01
It is indeed a novel idea.

Well... in life however, often, we are confronted with the challenge of assuming responsibilities for things we never bargained for.It all boils down to the discussion we had over rising individualism vs group orientation.

Jinkzt3r said...

No, I don't. If you think about it, just being a man can lead to you a lot of trouble... look at this for example or back at the domestic violence article. Anyways, I do not believe that the male should be responsible for raising a child he did not wish to have, and was lead into believing that that child would not be conceived.

What were those things.. they had contracts going around that men would have women signing to verify that the sex was consensual merely because the chance of a given woman claiming she was raped by that particular man. Are we going to have to start having contracts that say "You said you were sterile," or "You said you were using the pill," or something such as that? Given, as they say, nothing is full proof.

Regardless, he should not be responsible if he was told by the woman herself that she was sterile.

Yeah, he probably should have used a condom but still.. We are saying that parents can drop their kids off at a fire station, but they can't say no to child support for a kid they never planned to have and were told that the woman was sterile?

Morally, yeah, he should help raise the kid.. but the woman knew he did not want kids.. being his ex she probably did it out of spite. (Don't get mad at me ladies!)

How many men go through life with out paying child support? How many live on the bare minimum to pay it? And how many pay it even though it may not be their child (a quick google search returns about 1.6 million, as to it's validity, not sure)? And how many women wrongly use this child support aid for their own selfish means?

joeyohweoh said...

This article is quite interesting due to the circumstances that both mother and father have. I understand where the guy is coming from where his ex-girl told him she was infertile but damn it is still really messed up. He should’ve worn a rubber and known better what would happen if she were wrong. I think a man should take care of a child if it is biologically his because that baby is part of both parents and would be unfair to the child. Even if the woman told him she was infertile he should’ve seen that there would be a down payment if she were wrong.

Ashley Michelle said...

Um....hello!?! Put a condom your goodies! What did we talk about in sociology? A lot of women are known for liars, so are you really going to believe a women in the moment of passion that she is unable to conceive? Please. You gave her the sperm and she had a baby. It takes two to tango and I do believe that Dubay and any other man this happens to, should take full responsibility! Is it really right to have sex with a woman and then leave because you find out she's having your child? Well, maybe the dad shouldn't take care of the child, because who wants a father figure that does the deed and runs anyway? The woman really could have been told she's infertile, so many doctors make mistakes these days. I think it's both parties responsibility in the end, no matter what happens. You did something, now deal with it

Madeline said...

Wow... this is an interesting one... article and comments...

First off I am going to get back on my soap box and preach personal responsibility. It doesn't really matter if she told him she was infertile... unless he had some proof, like had been to teh doctor with her he had no concrete way to know she really was. And maybe this was no malicious act! Maybe she really did think she was infertile. Regardless, it doesn't matter! PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!! He is a grown up and well past the "birds and the bees" talk. Anyone who is having sex knows what the consequences are. The number 1 reason for the existence of sex is for procreation, so we can't act all surprised when it actually results in one!

Now, moving on to the child support issue. If you make them, you have to take responsibility for them. This is not the mother's choice. This has been determined by the state to look out for the best interest of the child. People have claimed that it's all about the money. I know taht there are poeple out there who are having babies just to collect child supprt, but I would have to say that is not the vast majority. After I had my son, if there had been a way to cut his father's parental right I would have gladly forgone any child support without an issue. The courts don't allow that, unless there is someone to take over that parental responsibility and adopt the chil, becasue it is not in the child's best interest. This is going to be an issue that a lot of people have mixed emotions on... but in my opinion if you are participating in the act that is here to create life, then when you do create a life you need to take responsibility for it. Here is a real simple solution... if you don't want to have to pay child support, don't have sex!

Madeline said...
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bucs06 said...

Wow, being a man myself, this makes me pretty upset I could write an entire blog on how pathetic this guy is first of all his complaints are completely juvenile and irresponsible, if your that set on not having children, and know ahead of time that you could be that selfish as to have an abortion or just toss the baby aside to any police station or hospital, than maybe you should not be having sex in the first place. Also has this guy ever heard of a condom or birth control? These new inventions are pretty proven on controlling birth. I think this guy is a pretty sad excuse of a man to completely abandon something he helped to create. He should pay double just for being so moronic. Yeah we know, she said she was sterile but guess what? people lie. If he wanted to make sure not to procreate take some action and use your brain, after all having unprotected sex usually leads to babies.

Madeline said...

One more thought... in the article we only have thig guys point of view. His claim that his ex said she was infertile, and yet so many people have jumped to teh conclusion that she lied. That she knew she was infertile and then got pregnant on purpose or something. But really we don't and will never know all the circumstances involved in this case. For one thing she may have very wel thought she was infertile. May have been told by a doctor that she was.... and then she finds herself pregnant when she never thought she could be?! That would be enough incentive for a lot of people to make the decision to keep their baby. Also we are talking about $500. Very small in the grand scheme of things. It would be pretty far fetched to believe that this young woman maliciously lied to her ex, got pregnant on purpose, had her body change, went through painful labor and delivery, and is now responsible for raising a child without the physical and emotional support from it's father... all for $500 a month. That's a lot to tie yourself down with and change your life over all for just $500 a month... Just something to think about.

RSXGirlie1988 said...

I do not believe this for a second. If you do not like the consequences, do not engage in sex. If you know you do not want kids at the moment do not have sex or use protection! For heavens sake! We are told since middle school what condoms are all about! Personally, I see it as being a miracle (not a burden) when a women is diagnosed as being infertile and then becomes pregnant. I think the father just wants to avoid paying child support. He is the father of a living breathing child whether he likes it or not. He took that chance and now he needs to accept responsiblity for his actions.

lolita said...

It takes two to tango and thats exaclty what this is. the woman did not get pregnant by herself so why is she to take care of it by herself? this subject is very touchy and really depends on the situation. In the case of this man if what he says is true then no, he should not have to pay child support and i think the woman is at fault here however there will be those who will try and cheat the system , you know, lying about the situation just to get out of paying child support and in that sense I think its wrong.
now considering that situations like these do not come up that often I think i have to vote with the majority actually i agree with much of what Jason said,and if you want to go sleeping aound then get a vasectomy or go on birth control for women. And like most of you said what easier way to prevent this whole mess than to just abstaine?

skeletor said...

I feel that been responsible in a situation like this is very important. It’s not always about what is the easy solution. Yeah she didn’t get an abortion because that’s what he wanted but the child is also his responsibility. I believe that was just an unfair decision he wanted his ex-girlfriend to make since she was told she was infertile. Some women have been told they are infertile and in some case they still get pregnant. So in the future if they don’t want to become a father be more careful and use protection and its still not a 100% so its still a possibility. Just be a man about the role of a mother is not easy but the female stuck has to play there role so the father is to do the same.

Nurse4U said...

I feel the man should be financially responsible for the child, even if the woman states she is sterile. If the man doesn't want children then he should take the responsibility to protect himself...wear a condom. Sad to say but woman do lie and do trap men into fatherhood. Some women are told they are sterile and end of getting pregnant. Regardless of all this, there is a child who did not ask to be born but needs to be supported. And $500 a month is cheap. When you look at everything it takes to raise a child he got off extremely cheap. That money would cover daycare..what about medical expenses and food? The man needs to step up and take responsibility for HIS actions.

Livelife220 said...
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Livelife220 said...

I personally think that the man should support the child no matter if he doesn’t want it or not. I know it was unexpected for the man because the woman said she was infertile but look at this way, I’m sure the woman had more thoughts going through her mind when she found out she’s pregnant. Although it was unexpected for both the woman and man, I’m glad she decided to raise and keep the baby. I also believe if the man did not want a child, he is responsible because he should not have taken the woman’s word completely and could have prevented in many ways like not having sex at all or take contraceptives.
Reading this article makes me disgusted because the man should not be complaining. Above all, he needs to take responsibility for his own actions!!!

Darren L. said...

i kind of see both sides of the argument. I understand that the woman has every right to make this man pay, for the child, he did have unprotected sex with her, and he should of worn a condom because of other reasons, not just for pregnacy reasons but to also protect yourself from HIV or other STDs. I also see the man's point of view, because she did lie to him, and in his defense it should be bargained due to the fact that she is a liar, so regardless, i do believe that the guy is responsible, he should have to pay, but it shouldn't be as hard of a sentense are it would be expected.

Kazoom525 said...

I think the entire idea is completely absurd. You're taught at age ten, or at least I was, that if you have sex, the woman could get pregnant. Everyone knows that it's a consequence, and the only sure way to not get a girl pregnant is to not have sex with her in the first place. If your having sex with someone and they get pregnant you need to step up to the plate and take some responsibility. End of story. Maybe it's not fair, but do you really think its fair to the woman either? No, it isn't, she just isn't running away from all of her problems; she's dealing with them. Which in my opinion is what everyone should do. Life isn't perfect, and life isn't fair, and if your not mature enough to accept that, then you shouyldn't be having sex in the first place because you obviously have some growing up to do.

Bluefieldstana said...

I believe that men should be responsible for the choices they make and the consequences resulted. Even thought the woman action in this scenario is untrustworthy, ultimate lie on male that make irresponsible decision. It is very easy in this situation to focus on the woman lying to her partner about being sterile, but the truth is that the men had the opportunity to prevent the whole situation. Also, just because the woman is sterile does not mean that he could not contract a sexual transmitted disease. This further demonstrates that there are more factors that are at play than just pregnancy. Men and women should be responsible for their action because sexual transmitted disease can destroyed anyone future.

keekee said...

It takes two to tango. It has always been that way, since the beginning of time. The women saying she is sterile or man not wanting a child is invalid when you make the choice to have sex. You take the risk every time of creating a child. This is actually the main purpose of sleeping with someone, to procreate. This is why a child shouldn’t engage in this activity if they can not handle the responsibility. Same goes for adults. This man may have plenty to say about his situation but, it does not negate his responsibilities for his own actions. I believe this man is being selfish. How can you tell a child you never wanted them? Its too late for that, the baby is here, be a man and raise the child. If he is truly upset about the payments for child support, he should take a look at the true cost of raising a child. He can split the quarter of a million dollars it takes to raise a child with the women. I think if this man is truly serious about not wanting a child he should have gotten snipped or wore a condom as well

Vicki said...
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Vicki said...

The same goes for men and women. – if you have sex then you accept the risks of pregnancy. Men are just as responsible for the child as the woman. In the case of the woman who said she was infertile, then I don’t necessarily believe the man should have to pay any child support. If her claims of infertility were made prior to them having sex and therefore didn’t use any form of birth control, I don’t think he should be responsible. I am opposed to abortion, so I don’t feel a woman should have to kill an unborn baby just because a man doesn’t want to take responsibility for a child he helped create. It takes two to make a baby. If a man doesn’t want to have the responsibility of a baby then he shouldn’t have sex.

shocky8056 said...

i do not feel bad for men who claim that they have unwanted children, that they were told this or that...it's all excuses to me. if you are man enough to have sex, you should know that there is a possibility of something going wrong. Like snake said…you should always protect yourself even if it means having to double protect yourself. this topic just angers me because there are a lot of women who are single mothers that have to find a way to survive for themselves and their child, while the guy can just walk away. The child shouldn’t have to suffer for someone else’s ignorance.

dragonfly said...

As I am opposed to abortion, I obviously am opposed to males aborting children just as much as females. However, in the case of Dubay, I am appalled by his arrogant attitude that he is superior over life. It sounds to me he is a starving law student who needs money to pay for his student loan. And he would do anything, yes ,even stoop so low as to blame his ignorance on his exgirlfriend . I ask, has Life lost its morals and values that no one is responsible? How sad that America has come so close but yet so far! I feel that a man is responsible for his actions, just like a woman is responsible for her actions especially in a relationship where two consent to have a sexual relationship. In response to Dubay’s statement that his “exgirlfriend” chose to become a mother and that he has the right to denounce his responsibility to the child. What about the child, will she/he have the right to sue both of the responsible party that brought him into the world? My advice to Dubay, don’t have sex and you will be sure not to father a child

Melissa said...

I think a man should be responsible for his child. Sure the woman is the one who carries the baby and births it but the baby didn't exactly get there on the mothers own account. Take some freaking responsibility. It is disgusting that some women do use their children to "get/keep a man" but just because the mother is a crazy dosen't mean that the baby will be. Be a man and make sure that the crazy woman is taking care of the baby properly, if not take control! Either get custody or call the authorities!!!

RAFY said...

The man has a very valid point. Especially if she told him she could not have any children. I won't say he was completly innocent because I don't think he was forced to have sex with her, but if he made it clear he did not want any children and she still went with the desicion of having a kid, the responsability should be completly her own (I guess this only applies if she lied about her infertility). It sounds to me like she was the only one that wanted the kid and it appears she lied to get it too, If this was indeed the case then he should have nothing to do with the child.
He should have used a condom. If you positively hate the idea of having kids, you either use a condom or remain abstinent. If you don't know what either one of those options mean, then you seriously need a sex-ed class; I don't think this was the case however, so in a way, it's his fault for being an idiot.(you are not supposed to belive everything they tell you, including the subject of infertility!)

greenjellybean said...

In most other cases I would say that it is the mans full responsibility to accept the child if the woman became pregnant. However, I feel there was some unfairness in this particular scenario because she convinced this man that she was not fertile. We should all know from life experience that people tend to lie a lot. If she knew he didn't want to have a child before anything ever happened then she should be held liable for her own pregnancy. I don't think it would be fair for this man to have to put a huge amount of his money towards something that someone assured him wasn't going to happen but did anyway. As for the other men who try to take advantage of this new constitutional male right I believe they should have thought twice before having sexual intercourse. We all know each and every consequence that we are at risk of recieving before committing these kind of actions. I think cases like these should really be thought through and take both sides into consideration and try to make the fairest decision possible while also keeping the child's life in mind.

michelleyip said...

Use a CONDOM! The man is responsible. If he can do the deed he needs to accept the consequences. Don’t believe what everyone tells you… people do lie. Take that extra step to protect yourself. I do not believe that he has the right to get a abortion for her. If she does not want a abortion then she shouldn’t have to… its not his decision. It is the woman’s body who has to deal with all the changes and her dealing with the pain, Not the man. At the end that is still his baby and he should be taking care of his child. No matter what.

CrazyFred21 said...

The decision to conceive children is the choice between one man and one woman. No one person in a relationship should be able to make a decision for both partners. With the increase in casual sex, more and more unplanned pregnancies are occurring. This poses a problem when the woman in the relationship dose not believe in abortions. Woman often expect the male figure to support a child he did not even want. Now the father is faced with the financial burdens of child support for the child until he or she is 18. This should be illegal; it is absurd. Just because a woman carries the baby in her body dose not mean the man should have no rights at all. If both partners are in disagreance, the male should be able to sign off from all financial and emotional ties from the child. No matter what the circumstances, the decision to have a child should be mutual.

fender71 said...

Another point i would like to make is that i had a friend who had an unwanted pregnancy. She decided to keep it but her boyfriend ran off, and she has to raise that child on her own now, therefore i think fatherhood should be mandatory for men who are not dangerous or have violent habbits

liime_aiide said...

This is CRAZY! I can somewhat understand his point of view, she told him that she could not have children, therefore from the start he thought he was off the hook. However this does not mean that she was lying. Maybe she was told by her doctors that she was unable to have children and they were wrong. This happened to my aunt. Doctors told my uncle that he would never be able to have children and 3 years later she was pregnant with my cousin.

This is just another way for a guy to give up his responsability. If you dont want kids, dont have sex. If you dont want kids and you do then you are responsible for that childs life. It's that simple.

vertuxa said...

I believe it takes TWO to have a child. If man doesn't want to take responsibilities,he should at least protect himself. And how he can be sure when she had told him she was infertile.
Maybe if he had proof from the doctor, he wouldn't worry now, after child is already born.
A court order requiring Dubay to pay $500 a month in support will keep awake a lot of man, I hope, when they decide to NOT have a child. But as far as to have a responsibilities ,I believe every man should have one when they decide to be in ANY relationship.

lilbit said...

I think it's stupid to call it "unwanted fatherhood" there are alot of women out there that aren't ready to become mothers but keep their babies because they know they have to live with the choices they make. Like others have said it takes two to make a baby and when people have casual sex they are taking a risk. As far as this guy being mad because his girlfriend told him she was sterile, that is wrong because she could have been told by doctors that she couln't have children. That was the case for my mom from a young age she was told by her doctor that she wouldn't be able to have children and when she got with my father she became pregnant with me. So face it if you don't want to worry about becoming a father or mother then both parties need to do what is right to keep that from happening.

Amber said...

I’m sorry but the last time I checked, it took two people to make a baby (except for other medical procedures). Maybe she thought that she was infertile and so told him that. But in all reality, she should have protected herself. And he should have protected himself. Unless they both parties are willing to accept whatever the consequences may be then they should be protecting themselves. This goes for people, no matter what stage of the relationship. If you don’t want a child then you do anything and everything possible to prevent it. If it should happen anyway then it is both people’s responsibility to take care of that child.

Da Chris said...

"Unfortunalty for this guy, there is no way for him to prove that his baby's mother said that she couldn't have kids. The man lacks the right to demand abortion or adoption because the baby is a shared responsibility that came from a shared act. And it is because of this same reasoning that he shares the financial burden in paying 500 dollars a month in child support."

I would argue that since he knew this information, he made a decision based off of this. SO, he was misinformed and is being punished for the lie of someone else. This is essentially fraud.

I can't take a side on this. The biggest thing I could point out is telling someone something incorrect and having that information lead to a bad result. It's the same thing as being 17 (in an 18 and over club) and sueing (spelling?) someone for statutory rape. If you say you are 18, then you best be 18. If you lie, then the other party can't be held responsible.

Of course, this case is different. It's very possible that she thought she was infertile, but the results of a test or something were wrong.

One thing I'll say is that it takes two to tango. While the women is more invested in a child, the man deserves some say. In some ways, you may just have to set agreements. "If you have the baby, I wont pay for child support". This situation is more like "I lied to you and I'm going to have this baby. You better pay child support". His 50% is driven by her.

The downside is that not every man can play this card as there is some irresponsibility in these incidents. The point is to make sure that father fulfills his half of the bargain.

I will say that something needs to be looked into, but it's hard to say.

sally soltau said...

What is this guy thinking?? Im pretty sure no one likes that fact that they have to pay for a child they didn't want. It was his mistake for not being cautious and careful. Why should the woman suffer keeping the child healthy, when i took two to make it. It's not the womans fault for misleading him, or for deciding to keep the baby. Not all people are for abortion. Not to mention, dropping off the baby at the hospital!! I find people who do that, cold-hearted and inconsiderate of that child's life. The only way i see a man having rights against taking care of the baby, was if he was raped. In his case he wasn't raped so that should be ruled out. People who do not want children should consider the risks of getting pregnant/ impregnating someone when having sex.

irishqt7 said...

I feel that men should be responsible for parenthood. If they don’t want to have kids use condoms and if they do get pregnant anyway and don’t want to be parents there are other alternatives. If you don’t want kids don’t have sex. As for the woman that told him she was sterile, you should still take precautions just in case. Things happen and nothing is one hundred percent. I do think that the man should take responsibility no matter what. It takes two to get pregnant so there should be two people supporting that child. I am not saying that the man and woman have to get married but they should have the child’s best interest at heart.

clalexa said...

The unwanted fatherhood is a delicate issue to talk about. Understanding that a woman lying to a man about her ability to procreate is a despicable trick, but also is an excuse that many man had use in the past to be able to sleep with woman and avoid the use of a condom in order to obtain or feel more pleasure. In the case of a man who lies and tells a woman he is infertile and after a while she finds out she is pregnant, the media don’t pursue the story or finger the man as a monster.
You have to believe me when I say I am not in accordance with lying to a man to get yourself pregnant and sue for child support; I find it repulsive, but most men won’t care if the woman is lying as long as their immediate needs are satisfied. As sexual active adults we need to be responsible for our decisions and the consequences that they carry such as unwanted pregnancies and diseases.

Bobby Allen said...

I see where the guys are coming from but i do tend to agree with a couple of the other entries that say no matter what the circumstance you should always use a condom or some sort of protection. Unless your going to have a lawyer in the room when the women tells you she can't have kids then you better not expect anything. If you are told this and it does happen then I believe that the man should step up and support the kid becasue even if the women was not right he choose to have sex with her and it is his responsiblity also. I feel that the child should not be held responsible for it's parents fault in the re life stage of its life.

kirby <(^_^)> said...

In my opinion, you have to always be prepared for that "freak accident" not calling the baby an accident either but just the one chance it will happen. If you for any reason, as it is usually the case in today's society is if you can't practice abstinence, then condoms which most government funded locations will hand out, I know for a fact that USF does it somewhere, to avoid more pregnant students and prevent unwanted pregnancies altogether, I think that it is both partners responsibilities, admitting that the female does get much more leeway with the law but they also do all the work and have the most painful experience giving birth while the only thing a man does is receive pleasure for his contribution. I think that there may be some special situations where the woman takes advantage of the law.

michelle said...

This is a very interesting article for me. As the parent of at least one child by a non-cooperative father, I initially felt very disgusted at the very concept of the article. However, after further consideration, the subject does deserve consideration. I believe there are many instances where a "Roe vs. Wade" for men could be beneficial. A woman has the right to take a self assessment of herself and her situation and say that she doesnt feel ready for motherhood. At that point, she has a host of options to choose from that release her from all legal & financial obligation to her child. Now I do not believe in nor condone abortion but there are other choices, including adoption where sometimes the adopting parent will even cover the medical expenses during the pregnancy and noone says a thing. Why doesnt a man have the same opportunity for self assessment? He should not be able to force you into an abortion because that involves the womans body directly and is not his area of concern, however, a "financial abortion" only seems fair as an option. Now personally I would have very little respect for most men who choose this as an option, but again that's my PERSONAL opinion and equal rights is really the issue that's on the table here not necessarily morality.

michelle said...

This is a very interesting article for me. As the parent of at least one child by a non-cooperative father, I initially felt very disgusted at the very concept of the article. However, after further consideration, the subject does deserve consideration. I believe there are many instances where a "Roe vs. Wade" for men could be beneficial. A woman has the right to take a self assessment of herself and her situation and say that she doesnt feel ready for motherhood. At that point, she has a host of options to choose from that release her from all legal & financial obligation to her child. Now I do not believe in nor condone abortion but there are other choices, including adoption where sometimes the adopting parent will even cover the medical expenses during the pregnancy and noone says a thing. Why doesnt a man have the same opportunity for self assessment? He should not be able to force you into an abortion because that involves the womans body directly and is not his area of concern, however, a "financial abortion" only seems fair as an option. Now personally I would have very little respect for most men who choose this as an option, but again that's my PERSONAL opinion and equal rights is really the issue that's on the table here not necessarily morality.

Miranda said...

i believe that in this case this man has a good point about the equal rights for men. but besides the point, it takes two to tango...yea sure she said that she was unable to have kids but with having sex comes responsibility. He needs to definitely take responsibility for his irrisponsible actions. It is totally up to the girl when it comes to a baby, she is the one who makes the decision on what to do...its her body!

jb23 said...

I really dont agree with the man in this article. If you are going to have sex regardless of what the women says you have to know what the consequences are. In this case the woman did get pregnant, but who knows the whole story. She may have said she was infertile or she may have not. Who knows that the male just didn't say that just because he didn't want to have to pay for the child support. If the come up with a law for males to get away with this I will totally not agree with it and I'm sure a lot of people might not like it as well. My advice for other men is to wear a condom or just hop that they get lucky enought to not get the girl pregnant.

Athena Smith said...

Michelle
Quite an objective stand!

Stranger said...

First of all, with the sexually transmitted diseases that are out there today, the man should be glad his consequence was a child rather than AIDS. There are a lot of women who have become pregnant despite the fact that they didn't want children. Those women are expected to take care of their child. I don't think it's fair for a man not to take care of his child just because the pregnancy was unwanted. What kind of a man would want a child living a lower quality of life because of him anyways? As stated before, the only way to avoid children is by not having sex. Even with protection tere is always a chance of the woman becoming pregnant. If the man honestly didn't want children, he should have asked for the woman's medical records to make sure she was sterile.

Lightning01 said...

I believe that this guy needs to man up and quit complaining about how horrible his life is going to be now that he will have to father a child and fork over 500 dollars while avoiding having to live with the child on a daily basis, Especially when so many people have real problems. For god sake hes a computer programer, it is not he can not afford it. He seems to me at first glance to be a lazy person who is the type that shuns real responsabilty and dosnt want to change his ways. He should be responsable, its to bad the woman told you she was infertile, and she got pregnant. I would tell him what every adult has told me when i complained about things being unfair, "LIFE AIN"T FAIR", it is very simple really grow up and take responsability for what you have done.

J3NNii3 BABii3 said...

DONT WANT KIDS THEN DONT HAVE SEX OF USE A CONDOM! point blank. Reading that article made me very upset. Number one it is the woman's body! No man whether they want the child or not, will go through the pain both emotionally and physically that the mother will go through if she has an abortion. If the woman decides to have and keep the baby (because sometimes its hard for mothers to give up there child for adoption) then you have to SUPPORT it! As for the woman saying that she was infertile, maybe her doctor told her that and she went with it because now a days we seem to believe everything a doctor says, failing to realize its a PRACTICE! not everything is hundred percent certain. But o well! when the dude decided to lay down with the girl and have sex and what ya kno she turns up pregnant...it was a choice so now live with it!

truth08 said...

Yes, i feel that the man should be responsible for the parenthood of the child because if he didnt want a kid then he shouldnt have had sex. Yeah the girl said that she was sterile but girls these days just lie about that stuff to get what they want. So men shouldnt really just the trust the girl if they say that. And this article shows why. I feel a little bit bad for the man in the article but in the end it was his choice to have sex and in the end it is your responsibility to take care of what the outcome was of making that choice of having sex.

Chocolate Thunder said...

This is an interesting article because there can be so many opinions about it. I personally think that no one should have sex unless they are married. This is a great way to stay father-free. if it does happen, the father should have a full responsibility even if the girl says she's sterile. The Man is taking a chance of getting a girl pregnant with every chance of sexual contact. I say that this is something that should be a man's responsibility.

Shay said...

I do not feel that under any circumstance because in this case she knew that he did not want a child and she told him she couldn't conceive. She was being very deceitful. He didn't want the child and it is her fault and her choice. I don't think he should pay child support.

But now that the baby is here, I think that he should just try and accept the baby since it is his child and carrys his blood. Its not the childs fault so the child shouldn't have to suffer because of the stupidity of their sexual actions.

Unfortunantley, theres no win win situation for men in these cases because if the situation was different and the man thought he was sterile and ended up getting a woman pregnant everyone would be saying oh he needs to take care of his baby.

Dgirl89 said...

Yes. I believe a man should be responsible for parenthood. You never know what the outcome is going to be and you cannot always trust what people say. It takes two to tango. So he needs to step up and be a man and take responsibility for what he did. He might not want to be with the mother of the child, but at least be there for the child. Everyone child deserves a father.

lacrossechic8 said...

I do believe that a man should be responsible for parenthood no matter what. He chose to have sex; and even if the woman said she was sterile how can you be so sure? If you really don’t want a child, then why are you having unprotected sex and risking the chance of getting her pregnant? I believe that this man is just trying to get out of having to pay child support. What kind of a man gets a woman pregnant and then has no feelings what-so-ever to the child that he helped create? In all reality, I feel bad for the child. They are the ones put in the middle of this situation and have to grow up in a single-parent home with a mother or father who is probably struggling to make ends meet, due to the other parent who doesn’t want to pay child support.

wrtmillions said...

This article has some truth to it but the bottom line is that males should wrap it up no matter what a woman says. If you really don’t want a child please take that extra second to reach for the condom and apply it. Another thing for males to do is to go to the doctor with their partner and talk to the doctor about birth control. There are other methods then just the pill. You can watch her get the shot so you know that you have a birth control method in place. I do think that males should have say in bringing a child in the world. It doesn’t just affect women life it also affects the male’s life as well and if she wants the baby and he does not then she should be the one to take care of it but I would hope that the male will think of the child and not themselves once the child is here.

baseballer8132 said...

I feel sorry for the guy that this happened too. But everything happens for a reason. God places things in our lives for a reason and we need to appreciate them no matter what. Abortion is not the answer to get rid of your problems. That's like me saying I don't like one of my friends because they are giving me a problem so I've decided to murder him/her, and society will accept that.
I believe he should raise this child. NO MATTER WHAT! The child was placed in their lives and deserves to live. IF she thought she was sterile...that's even more of a blessing that they received this baby for a reason.
If you had the thought about having sex...remember there will always be a consequence!

blogger59 said...

I think the outline statement answers the question. The “legal choices ended / or began when he decided to have sex”. I agree with the actual article that “He” is a child of his time, a boy who never learned how to be a real man”… to have the audacity to say that his personal rights have been violated. I wonder if this person grew up with a responsible father or even a mentor that tried to teach him his actions have consequences, someone who would tell him to step up to the plate and accept responsibility for his behavior.
It’s sad that the issue is whether a chunk of his money should pay for something he caused. It’s unfortunately that some men are so immature that they would rather the State Welfare Department pay for their “problems”. I know quite a few people on both sides of this situation, and it never seems to be planned out by either party, nor is it easy for either party. I think every person should be responsible for their behavior, no matter what.

SBella said...

this is why we have roe vs wade. the law protects women for a reason. So that they don't get stuck paying for the child on their own. And as for the her being sterile or in fertile ...what happened to wrapping the sucker up and not letting those swimmers through?? that is where both of them mucked up and both should have taken responsibility but no . Now hes stuck paying child support for an unwanted child on his behalf.. and this is Americas downfall we dont know how to keep anything in our pants or keep our legs closed.h

wwiegert said...

Not to misdirect anyone’s attention from the matter at hand, but, what about the woman that doesn’t want the responsibility of a child but the man that does; regardless of the ‘sterile factor’. In response to the prompt at hand, I think that if the sex is consensual then whatever may come of the act must follow suit, if both parties are not in agreement then it should be up to the party that is for ‘rearing a child’ to do so under their own power and the party against doing so to bow out (dis)gracefully. Something as controversial as this topic is one that has been and always will be so, with strong support from both sides.

Aboylan said...

I feel that everyone has their own right in a pregnancy. i feel if a man doesn't want the responsiblity of taking care of his child then it should be worked out before the child is born. This is a situation that makes you think that you should get everything written down.

Aboylan said...

I feel that everyone has their own right in a pregnancy. i feel if a man doesn't want the responsiblity of taking care of his child then it should be worked out before the child is born. This is a situation that makes you think that you should get everything written down.

pcenluv08 said...

I think this argument is absolutely ridiculous, I hope "financial abortion" never becomes a serious issue. Regardless if the women had said she was infertile, there have been numerous situations where women were told they could not bear children and miracles have happened. If the man was that adamant about not having kids then he should be abstaining. Because the only one hundred percent guarantee of not having kids, is by not having sex. So when this man made the decision to have sex he also opened up the possibility of becoming a father, I mean face it parenthood is a serious possibility when choosing to have sex.

rsr said...

I believe that the 'Roe vs. Wade for men" is a good idea. However, I'm not sure how it would work out. You don't want all these children and single mother's being forgotten or ignored. However, I do believe that men should be given little more rights than what they have. Women have all the rights basically about the decisions whether to keep the child and decisions for the pregnancy where as the men have none. Also, the child support thing should have some limits or something on it. I know children are expensive, however the costs should be split in half. The father shouldn't pay all the bills for the child because if it is split in half and he $500 a month and the woman pays $500 a month then the baby should have a gold crib or something. That baby should be living good. However, I believe that if the woman wants the child support, she should allow him to see the child and split the custody if the guy wants it. My fiance has a son and the mother wants him to pay all this money like the child support and then some and she doesn't like it and doesn't want the father to be part of his sons life and tries to keep him from seeing his son. Like on father's day she wouldn't let him be with him. Thank god he went to court and got it all sorted out about all that so she has to let him see his son but that is crazy and stupid that you want to keep the child and have him pay for it but you don't want to let him see it. Especially if he wants to be part of his child's life and take care of it.

Athena Smith said...

wwiegert
If the reverse were to happen (the guy wanting the child, the woman no), well, you know who has the upper hand in this setting.
No court decision necessary.

However, many couples who found themselves in similar situations opted for counseling, and for some a solution was found (sole custody for the father).

HarlequinMask said...

In retrospect, he should have asked for some sort of proof that she was sterile, or unable to have kids. In our minds, the person we bed with are the people we ultimately want to trust, but its things like this that make us wary and untrusting. I feel the guy should not be bound by the child support, but I know he will be anyways. You don't expect your significant other to LIE to you about such important things, especially child birth. He told her he didn't want kids, and she tricked him in to having them anyways. But such a statement would not hold in court because there is no proof that she told him she was sterile. I lean both ways. I feel that he should take up responsibility, even though he didn't want a child. I also feel as though its not his fault, and he shouldn't have to worry about it.

blue sky said...

Unwanted parenthood is highly unfortunate, but very common nowadays. If a man is told by a woman she is sterile then yes that should have some effect as to the circumstances of child support or reprecussions felt, but at the end of the day guess what???? There is still a BABY born. And this isn't about some money or the rights of decisions who gets what. The bottom line is trying to save an innocent life from a painful life and potientially becoming a burden on society or worst. I would be highly pissed if I was told by a woman she was sterile and turned out to be inaccurate information found out after the fact (if you know what I'm saying) but at the end of the day I must come to a common ground with my significant other, for the bay's sake. It takes 2 to tango and everyone should have the reality that a baby can be the product s 2 people are layin' up together. This guy in this article might win because he is the first one to bring this argument ( kind of like the McDonald's lady and the coffee) but measures will be placed in order to fix this problem and prevent this argument.

bobopep said...

In this situation,I think the guy was right. He was the one who was responsible enough to say that they were not ready to have children. She knew his thoughts and feelings about the subject, so she knew that if something were to happen that he would not want to keep it. On the other hand, you have to prepare yourself for the risks of having sex. Even though she was supposedly infertile, there is ALWAYS the possibility of getting pregnant. Everyone who thinks that they mature enough to become sexually active, needs to be ready for the "what ifs". So maybe I dont agree with the guy here. I think that if the unfortunate occurs, that they both need to be mature adults and come to an agreement for what is best for the child.

crguy73 said...

This is ridiculous! If he didn't want a child then why didn't he wear a condom? Having sex has consequences an if he was not ready for those consequences he should not have had sex. Protect yourself and use contraception, its that simple.

If this male Roe v Wade is enacted then there could potentially be thousands of children that would be raised without fathers. Suck it up and support your child Dubay!

I'm sorry if the woman said that she was infertile and "wasn't able to have kids". But miracles happen, obviously, and we should be grateful when they do happen.

allisonbeck said...

I think it is rediculous for her to lie and get him into that situation. He did not plan or want a child, and she chose to not give it up for adoption or abort it, so it is unfair for him on many levels. It is not a lot of money to pay on his side, BUT it is not right that women always get the upper-hand on these situations. As said before on some comments, she had options such as giving up the child, but she intentionally chose to do this to make him pay. I think men should have more say and justice in this situation.

torasu said...

I don't think that men should have to be responsibe for parenthood no matter what. For instance, if the girl knew the guy didn't want a kid, and she does, and she lies before they have sex, telling him she's on birth control, or is infertile, a or says she's on mirena or something like that, then the guy shouldn't have to pay for the kid, because the girl decieved and took advantage of the guy, knowing he'd have to pay,because its his baby too. And that's unfair!! However in every other case, the guy should be held responsible.


If the girl tells him that shes sterile, and she gets pregnant, the should have to pay anyway, because real men help girl in cases like this, even if it was a mistake on both their part.

Enigma Breeze said...

I don't think men should have to take care of children if they don't want them. Of course, that is only if they decide to sign over all parental rights as if they never had a child. It does kind of suck for men to be stuck with the responsibility of paying for a child they don't want because when women don't want children they can just give them up for adoption and they don't have to pay for anything. If a man says he's going to take care of a child and then doesn't, then damn right he should have to pay child support. Men and women should be equal in the case of funding for a child because the both of them made the child. There is a simple way to avoid this altogether: CONDOMS!!

almostmarried said...

It breaks my heart to hear someone say that they do not want their child especially a cute little baby, but thats not the point, I think that Dubay should have to pay child support. It doesn't matter if his girlfriend said she was sterile maybe she really did think she was, he wanted to have sex so he should have been responsible and worn a condom there is always a chance that you can get pregnant. If you want to have sex than you need to accept the consequences that come with it. I also think that Dubay was wrong about asking his girlfriend to give the baby up for adoption, maybe he didnt want the baby but she did. If he doesn't want to have children than maybe he will think about using protection next time.

Blah said...

Even though I am a woman, I do beleive that a man should have a say so in what happens to his child. Even though the majority of the time, women usually get the say so, because the child is going to be physically part of her for at least 9 months. Women should take into consideration that she couldn't conceive the child completely on her own, and that legally that man will be responsible no matter what. I've actually had an abortion before and a lot of people disagree with my choice, but it was not my choice alone. My boyfriend and I are getting married and have a set wedding date and all, but we are also just starting out in our careers, and didn't feel as if we had enough stability to bring a child into an unstable environment. I undersatnd that my situation was different from the one noted, but had I not respected his wishes things could be a lot different from what they are now. We could both be struggling to take care of this child, and the child could be struggling right along with us. So I think that the man should have rights as far as what should happen to their child, no matter if they are pro-life or not.

x3tink0x3 said...

I feel if a man clearly stated he did not want a child from the begining and use pertection every time, he should be able to legaly abort the baby. It is the womens right to carry so the man should have some rights as well. The man should never trust a women who says she is infertile, she may think she is or just say that because she really wants a child and is tricking the man. I think there should be some sort of papers the couple should sign that states if she does get pregnate and a condom was used is is the mans choice to be a part of the childs life.

ARamadhan said...

The case that’s being discussed in this week’s blog in general has two scenarios. The first one, a man that did not want kids, but safe sex was the last of his concern and the usage of contraceptive never occurred to his mind. When this gentleman causes his partner to get pregnant, I think he is not only responsible for the well being of his child, but the well being of his child’s mother. He is now indeed responsible for a family he partook in creating. Even if it was an unplanned pregnancy, the responsibility is still there, and is unavoidable.
Now the scenario being discussed in the blog takes a very different path. The man practiced sex with his girl friend under the impression that she will never get pregnant. And although he did not want or expect a child, he is now being obligated to assume full responsibility. My personal opinion is that a father is obligated to care of their child no matter what. It is their flesh and blood. Your child is a part of you, and one day you will regret not taking care of your child. On another note though, Dubay has a point; of course if his claim was to be proven. How can he prove his claim? Are there any documentation stating that what his girl friend told him was true? Assuming that some sort of proof was presented; he should not be obligated. In fact, I think it would be wise to take the girl friend to court, for lying about being infertile.

Belle said...

Don’t want to be a father? Well then use every precaution possible so you do not become one. That even includes not having sex.

I understand where the man in Michigan can say it is unfair, but he did not have to have sex without protection. Even if she told him she could not conceive he still should have taken that extra precaution just to be safe. She probably really thought she could not get pregnant. I actually know someone that recently had a baby and the Doctors previously told her husband he could not have children because of his previous testicular cancer. (And yes the baby is his.) Doctors make mistakes.

That child is his so he should pay child support.

HeatherF said...

I think that this would be a hard lesson for anyone to learn. You really can't trust anyone. People are driven by the oddest things and cannot always be trusted no matter what we'd like to think. I really don't think that there is a way around this situation. If a women is or becomes pregnant the child still needs food nd shelter. No matter what the circumstances. I don't think a man should be able to forefit the obligations of his child, even when the circumstances are this skewed. The act of intercourse usually results in pregnancy. There are certain circumstances where it isin't suppose to and yet it still does. A child is a child, it didn't ask to be born therefore it shouldn't pay the consequences based on one parents naivety.

Lady HCC said...

I think that in this particular situation that it isn’t exactly fair, but on the other hand he is an adult and he should have worn protection. First of all, no sex is safe sex. Regardless of marriage, age, contraceptives..No sex is safe sex. There will always be risks and he should have known that and worn protection. Maybe it was against her beliefs to get an abortion, or maybe she truly did think she was infertile from previous situations..Who knows, but the point is that as adults, if you chose to act upon something then be ready for the consequences no matter what they may be-positive or negative. I feel they should both take responsibility.

Rose said...

It takes both a male and female to make a chid the natural way, and I think that the man as well as the woman should be responsible for the child. It's a shame now that men are talking about a finacial abortion. People are acting as if children are things and not human beings. I must also add that people are having all this unprotected sex which results in unwanted pregnacies which leads to child support cases. All of this could have been avoided if a condom was first added to the equation.
If a woman claims that she is sterile and ends up getting pregnant whether she was telling the truth or not, I think that the man is still repsonsible. Let me explain why, each individual have a mind of their own and must own up to the consequences that came from their actions. A man should put on protections because they are worst things out there other than getting a woman pregnant. Forget about being caught up in the moment nad take time to think with the common sense that God gave you. Abstanance is the key as they always say. No sex, no worries, no disease, no unwanted pregnacies.

Starbuzz said...

I totally agree with the guy.First thingfist he got lied to when his girl friend said she was sterile. But then againyou have to look at it from both ways maybe he is lyingand just saying that to get out of paying all that baby. Whati think should be doneis the girlbegiven a lie detction test and ask her if she ever told her boy friend she was sterile. If the test she did then i think the man should be free of paing child support. But at the same time him being a gettlemen he should stay in the baby life and help out as much as he can. Cause a child always needs her mom and her dad in life.