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Sunday, November 9

California Law: Allow men into shelters

An article I recently found brought up something that has bothered me for a long time, but has finally started to make some ground work to equality when a Californian judge ruled that California's exclusion of men from domestic violence violates men's constitutional equal protection rights. In 2007, Sacramento Superior Court Judge Lloyd Connelly dismissed the case of four male victims of domestic violence, ruling that men are not entitled to equal protection regarding domestic violence because they statistically are not similarly situated with women. Today the Court of Appeal reversed that decision.

The story was brought more to light with the tale of young Maegan and her father David. David was disabled, and could not make money, and Maegan was 11 years old. Many times they had called shelters and programs for help, and were told that they do not help men. This might be part of the rule that boys 12 and older are not allowed in shelters with their mothers, while the daughters of any age are. If a mother goes to a shelter, her choice is to send the boy to an orphanage, or to go home to the abuse. We have a crisis in our country, and this is case is a fine step in paving the road to repairing it.

In the case of Maegan and her father, the case proved even more of what the actual problem is, as stated by the article, “During the 1995 shotgun incident, Ruth called the police after David wrestled the shotgun away from her. Maegan yelled to her mom, "Tell the truth!" and Ruth told the police she wanted them to come because she wanted to kill her husband. Nevertheless, when the police arrived and David opened the door to let them in, the officers immediately grabbed him by the wrist, wrestled him to the ground, and handcuffed him. They only un-cuffed him after Maegan told them that it was her mother who had the gun.” If the police decided to not listen to the daughter, his wife would, at that point, now have been free to go to one of the shelters because he now had a record of abuse; however, that wasn’t the case, and even after the police arrested her David still was not able to use any of the services. He often was told, “"we don't help men.” Even when his daughter called, desperate to get help, WEAVE said they do not help men, and that men are the perpetrators of domestic violence, not the victims.

This is just one example, while almost nobody would ever say that shelters do not do good work for women, they seem to cut the line at the other half of taxpayers who might need to use their services. This lawsuit, and case, may just be the inroads that our country needs to take a big bite out of the domestic abuse problem. Next would be the rest of the states allowing men to use their facilities, and this would even allow boys not to be sent to a foster home and being split up, again, after his mother and sisters run from an abusive situation. Imagine what this would do to the poor child, and family altogether. He just was taken from abuse, needs his family more than ever, and is told because he is a boy he has to go somewhere else because he is too dangerous to his mother and sisters. The very system that is setup to protect people is hurting them and destroying young boys. Now, with this, we have precedent that might allow some inroads in such laws as V.A.W.A. to maybe realize that men can be hurt as well, and sometimes need protection. It is truly a great step to real equality.

To read more on this article, go here.
Also: The actual court documents

I tried to find a spiffy picture, but alas none that would be appropriate.

Question: What do you think about the current state of our nations domestic violence support shelters, and ways to improve it?

124 comments:

allisonbeck said...

I agree this decision to allow men into homes or shelters is a good thing. Before, especially for young boys, it would have destroyed them a lot inside, emotionally, and kind of bring them up the wrong way. If he were to be seperated from his family in such a hard time and situation in his life, that messes up a child's views and attitude and they may become bitter and out of control when they are older. I think it is about equality and justice, and now that they allow men in it is fair, because there are all sorts of situations that are misleading and unjust to men or women in many cases. Now they are doing the right thing. And yes, hopefully this will set up a new path for how things occur in this country with abuse, houses for families with problems and individuals, etc.

Athena Smith said...

There is a stereotype out there that the victim of domestic abuse is probably a female. Not so. Women assault men about as often as men assault women, but men do not report it(for reasons you can all guess). Thus we have statistics that show 85% of the victims being women and 15% being men.

Some examples of domestic violence against men can be read in the article Men: Hidden Victims of Domestic Violence

tonydrdees said...

I think it our law inforcement is not fair especially when they jump to conclusions like that. I personally had a situation with my step-mom when she was hitting me repeatedly and my real mom called the law. I would never hit her back and there was really nothing I could do to stop her and because of her being so much smaller than me they said what was the point. The point is that you can't just abuse people and think you can get away with it. Whether male or female you should't abuse your partner. I think the idea of allowing men into shelters is a great idea. Men should have an equal right to recieve help from abuse.

Jecka said...

I definitely believe men should have equal opportunities when it comes to shelters. They can be the victim just as much as women. I think it's unfair how we are treating men in these situations. They are hurting and we are pushing them away. It takes a lot for a man to ask for help I can't imagine getting the courage to do it and then get turned down. Women need to know they can not do this and gt away with it. And the boys being separated from moms who end up in shelters is horrible. This is when they need the family the most. This must change because we just might be doing more harm than anything else.

shocky8056 said...

You go tonydrdrees!

I feel like many American's stereotype of a wife beater is so over rated and inaccurate in todays society. Times really have changed, and it's time for Americans to see that.

I agree with the decision to allow men into homes and/or shelters. Men should have the same exact rights as women and nothing less. The role of the male in the house hold is very important and generally speaking males bring in most of the income. For a spouse to be worried about coming home and getting manhandled by his sufficient other is just ridiculous. No one should have to worry about where they can go for abuse shelters, man or women.

RAwildcats06 said...

I think that shelters should let men in. I know some women see men as a threat and are scared to be around them but if this is the case they can stay are separate parts of the shelters. I think that taking a young boy away from his family just because he is a boy is completely wrong and needs to be fixed. I think the people in control of these shelters need to see that some woman can be just a harmful to their families as a man. Just because men do not report domestic violence as often as woman do does not mean it is not happening all of the time. I think the law needs to be changed to have equal rights for men!

Athena Smith said...

The students "Hot blonde" emailed me the following comment:

"I agree with the decision the court made about appealing. I don't think that men are statistically situated with women but I don't think it's enough of a difference to ban them from protection. I don't think it's right at all that boys 12 or older aren't allowed into a shelter. The boy did absolutely nothing wrong to be subjected to such judgment. At the age of 12, the boy is beginnng puberty(for most) and still learning. He doenst have the mentality to be harm to anyone.For Maegan, I also think it's wrong that the father couldn't go into the shelter. Maeghan can't support herself and it's not fair to leave her father out on the street to defend for himself, when it's physically not possible. I'm really glad that they've made progress with this law and have stopped it. "

MidnightSun said...

I do believe men should have equal rights to our shelters. I don't know though how we could prevent incidents from happening with abusive peoples in shelters. I know in some states they have shelters that are only men or only women, and that could help a little. The only problem being that men and women can still abuse their own gender. I really don't understand why they don't allow men in, in the first place. That is very sexist, and I'm pretty sure it's against our laws. We really should have been figuring out real solutions to this problem other than refusing to help those who may need it more than ever.

I personally have a male friend who was trying to get into a shelter in New Jersey, unfortunately he slept on a park bench for a week because the all the men's shelters were more dangerous. From what he saw saw, sexual abuse was the norm.

Our shelters are sexist, and dangerous. I don't understand why our country spends so much for other people who may or may not want help before taking care of our own.

Jason Raimondo said...

I figure that they probably don't allow men into shelters for battered women because strange men may freak the abused women out. It is also possible that the man who comes "seeking refuge from an abuser," is an abusive spouse in search of his wife. It seems crazy for someone to go to these lengths, but this possibility makes me believe that we need separate and equal facilities for both battered men, and women. It is an interesting topic, but I personality won't understand people who live in abusive relationships. If it dosen't work, then you should go your separate ways. If the person is crazy, then you should go out to buy a pack of cigarettes and never return.

Athena Smith said...

Jason
As for women, the reason why they stay is low self esteem. They believe they deserve it.
Even when they split, chances are, they will walk into another abusive relationship, and so on...

amooney2 said...

Based on the court documents of these four men and the daughter of one, there does seem to be a need for shelters that protect and assist men and their families when they are victims of Domestic Violence. I think that society believes that the men are the bread winners and they have the means to remove themselves from the volatile situation. However, this is not always a true or fair assessment. The actuality is that very few DV situations have men as victims therefore the justification for the funding of a safe haven often goes by the wayside. With this being said, it is completely unacceptable that there is nowhere for a male to turn. This is blatant discrimination based on sex. On the plus side, both men and women are able to use the court systems to obtain a domestic violence injunction which is a step in the right direction. In order to make improvements, the problem needs to be brought to the attention of lawmakers and the community in order to look at this inequity.

Gator_Gal5 said...

I believe that men should be allowed into shelters! If needed a certain area can be set up for men and boys. But men are just as much a victim as a women might be. Just because most cases noted are of women does not mean that this kind of stuff can't happen to men. Men in these situations are just as emotionally challenged as the women. So to keep the emotions at ease (like I said before) have certain areas designed for men and boys then another for women and girls. We shouldn't turn someone down to a shelter when they need help just because they're a male!!

JK said...

I belive that letting males enter a shelter is a smart idea. Males Should have an equal oppertunity to enter shelter homes. I feel that it is corruption not letting males enter the shelter homes because females abuse males. In 1997 a survey was conducted with dating couples and 30 percent of the women admitted that they have used some form of physical aggression against there male partners. It is true that more males abuse females but also females still abuse the males so i feel that the shelters not letting them in needs to change now. Also if we let males in the shelters it could cause abuse to go down, because most males when they are getting abused feel like there the man of the house and can deal with it on there own but in reality its not going to happen like that because she will keep abusing him till something tragic happens.

kndglv@yahoo.com said...

It is a shame. My father was in an abusive relationship. His girlfriend (girlfriend and later wife) was a terrible alcoholic. She was sweet as pie when she was sober, but turned into a mean and evil person when she drank. She would break sentimental gifts, say some of the most horrrible things, and physically assault my father. My dad was not afraid of her, but he never laid a hand on her. The neighbors called the police several times, and even though he had marks on HIM and it was HIS house, the police would ask HIM to leave. "You got some place you could go tonight, buddy? She'll cool down when she sobers up!" This was before the "somebody has to go to jail" rule that later became standard.
As much of a stigma that is attached to domestic violence, the man being the victim is not widely accepted. I do not think public funds used to protect women and children should be off limits to men. They should not be kept in the same shelter as the women, but they should have some place safe to go!

Nelly12345 said...

Sooo, why are men not helped again? I missed the reasoning behind assuming that men are always the instigators of abuse. And a mother not being allowed to bring her son to a shelter with her simply because he is a male? Pathetic. Stupid. Senseless. Yes, men are more likely to be the abuser, but that does NOT mean that it is ALWAYS the mans fault. Havent any of these people seen the movie Misery? Or Fatal Attraction? Women can be just as psychotic as men can (this is a woman speaking, by the way). To compare this issue with another similar one: Men being raped. IT HAPPENS! I feel so sorry for the male population, being slapped in the face with the assumption that they are ALWAYS the rapists, ALWAYS the ones doing the abusing, ALWAYS the ones responsible, ALWAYS the ones at fault. This ridiculous rule of "we dont help men" needs to be changed, or at least altered for specific situations like Davids. Further, women not being allowed to bring their sons to shelters is so ridiculous, leave them behind, put them in an orphanage, or go back to the abuse!? I dont think so.

jayci57 said...

i believe that men should be allowed to be in shelters. I feel as if men and women should have equal rights when it comes to those kinds of things. There are plenty of men around the world who would be happy to have a safe place like a shelter to go to when the need to be safe. Men can be victims just as much as women can

blue sky said...

Although in most domestic case violence men are the culperate. Sometimes with that fact and the other that men will always be to blame that can be taken advantage of. If I know I can commit a crime and almost guranteed get away with it, it makes it that much more easier to commit the crime. Justice is blind it shouldn't have bias opinions or predetermined outcomes for a given situation. Men shouldn't also be denied entrance into shelters. It is a SHELTER to take in those in need. You know when your down on you luck to put it nicely. And I am a man and guess what it does happen. It can scar a male child going from domestic abuse to an orphange as if no one cares or wants him. Because that is what the case is. I wasn't aware honestly that men weren't allowed into shelters, but the domestic violence I have noticed that the men are usually thrown in the back of the cop car first then asked questions later.

glr_osorio said...

i also agree with the decision to allow grown men and young boys in to shelters and homes. i dont think that your gender should decide where you can or cannot go. what difference does it make if your a girl or boy? what do boys not have feelings or need protection for the simple fact that they are boys? as well as females men can also hurt inside and be emotionally hurt. i think that by not helping them and allowing them to get help form shelters and homes is basicaly tellinmg them we dont care about you your nobody your nothing and no one desrves mto be told that or feell that in the time of need. not helping them is liek opening a door for them to possibly become hostile violent bitter etc.if women are able to get helo from these homes and shelters than why cant men? every one thinks that domestic violence only happens to women just because its reported way more than domestic violence againts men. it happens to both the only reason domestic violence againts men isnt reported is because well it pretty embrassig for a man to see my wife beats me. hopefully chnage is on its way sooner than later.

ALong said...

I think that men should definitely be allowed equal rights to shelters and be allowed to escape abuse or harsh situations.
I think the way society sees men is very interesting. For example, most people think of rape as something men do to women, not the other way around. We think of the classic "abusive husband" but never the abusive wife. Our culture sees men as the instigators and not the victims, and I know that this is not the case. Because men are seen as more aggressive, I think this idea has just been attached to them. However, I think it is wrong. People make good decisions and bad ones, and gender has nothing to do with that.

DiamondSteel47 said...

In my opinion this is kind of a toss up. One blogger said that 12 year old boys dont know any better and wouldnt harm anybody. But in class we learned that boys as young as 8 years old can do harm, example being the boys from daytona who attacked the homeless man and nearly killed him. But I believe men should be taken care just as well as the women are when it comes to domestic violence the. I also believe that domestic violence is a frequent problem involving men, but I think when women are the aggessors toward men, the cops rarely are called because the men feel they can handle it.

Lessner said...

I think it is senseless to separate a child from his mother just because he is a male. A child is still a child regardless of gender.The law to separate boys at the age of twelve from their mothers in shelters is just cruel.The government needs to adjust their way of thinking to include compassion when it comes to most situations.I think it is only fair that abused men are allowed in shelters.The only problem would be the fact that the shelters would have to be separate from the women's shelter and there are not enough men that report abuse to warrant building a men's domestic violence shelter.Because of the lack of information on male abuse, it is hard to establish help for them. More men need to come forward in order to help others understand how frequently this type of abuse occurs. We can't help the silent victim because we can't hear their voice. If you want change, then voice your opinion.

PixieBob said...

I do believe that men are just as likely to be victims as women. However I don't agree that they should be put in the same shelters as abused women. Don't misunderstand me. I do not believe that young boys should not be allowed, or that men shouldn't have somewhere to go. I just think that this problem should have its own solution and that the men should have their own shelters. I know this brings up all kinds of arguements about how organizations would come up with the money to create and run these shelters and I dont have an answer for that.
I just know that a women who has been abused would not be comfortable staying in a shelter with men in it.

Rose said...

Its a shame that men weren't allowed in shelters or receive any help. Its even more shameful when a mother have to give up here son to an orphanage because he is 12 or older. Point being, he is still a child that needs atleast one parent in his life for guidance. Male or female , we all are human beings that hurt and need help and protection at sone point in our lives, wether it be from God or man.
An african person I know said that America's laws are mostly set up only for woman and children. I can clearly see where he is comong from. Its said that when the cops are called automatically without any questions asked, its the man's fault. Their was once a guy years ago that cried rape and the court laughed at him. He then made a comment that had everyone's attention, "if I were a woman crying rape, the man would have been put away, no questions asked." After that, his case was taken seriously, and he won. We are supposed to be living in the land of the free, where the system is suppose to help male or female. WHen it comes to abuse, stop paying attention to the sex of the person and pay attention to the hurt of that person.

fender71 said...

Shelters have always been a place for mothers, sons and daughters to go if they have an abusive parent. This law i think is right and wrong because men are the people that do most of the abusing but in the case of meagens father they had nowhere to go and he did not abuse anyone. there are predominently men who abuse therefore this law is just, but in that case the law is not fair for her and that disturbs me greatly. i think though the good of the law outwieghs the bad

Madeline said...

I think it is absolutely tragic the way domestic violence is handled in general in this country... but since the article is focusing on men, I will do the same. It is unfair that just because men statistically are the abuser they don't have the same rights as women. As was pointed out, women probably abuse men just as much, maybe even more. But men don't report it. Which is the first problem that needs to be addresses. It needs to be stressed to men to report abuse just as it is stressed for women. If more men reported abuse then state and federal agencies would have the proof they need to implement programs, such as shelters to help these men. Secondly I definitely think boys whose mother's have been abused should be able to stay in shelters with them. A child male or female who witnesses the abuse needs that refuge and help as much as a mother and sister.. and this child regardmess of age needs his family even more after feeling that kind of a situation! There are tons of abused women shelters that have ben set up. How about setting up an abused men's shelter?? Men who have been the vicitm of abuse need a voice and need some help in this country... but it is going to have to start with more male victims reporting this abuse to the proper authorities.

auroralights said...

I believe that the decision to allow men and boys into shelters shows good progress.

America is under the impression that men are ALWAYS the perpetrators and NEVER the victims of domestic violence. While this is often true, it is ridiculous to pin that false statistic to the situations which can endagner men's lives.

America seems to believe that women are exclusively discriminated against. We never hear of sexism against men, only women. However, women can abuse men as well. In fact, this is terribly discriminatory against men and is wrong.

For once, the California courts have made a good decision!

bellabelle66 said...

I had no idea there was such a problem in the shelters with not allowing men and boys over the age of 12 to be admitted. I think it's absolutely horrifying that the shelters just basically put a label on all the men out there who are in need of shelter with young children, but cannot do anything about it. This truly makes me upset.

I absolutely believe they should allow men into shelters. Those poor men who have little girls who can stay but their father is not allowed to is appalling. What is even worse is the fact that women who do go to shelters have a 13 year old son who has to be put in the foster system. Who would ever stop to think that this system makes sense? I think that if people open their eyes to all the injustice that goes on in the world and just educate themselves more this country will be better off as a whole.

sduffy3 said...

It is absolutely wrong to not allow men into shelters. Sure the norm is men abusing women, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen the other way around. Women are just as likely to take a swing as a man, and certainly more vengeful. I also think that women have more rage then men, which could be very dangerous. Maybe you do not hear of women abusing men because men are just to proud or embarassed to report it. I mean, look at all of the child abuse cases- the majority and the most fatal ones are committed by women. Rarely do I hear of men committing child abuse. Now, I don't want it to seem like I am defending all men, because I am not. They definately abuse as well, they should just be given the same protection as women are, especially children. Equal rights mean equal rights. So for me to hear that men are considered too risky for a shelter is ridiculous. And to not allow a boy over the age of 12 is even worse. Young boys need protection too, and it is not fair for them to be split from their family for something that is not even their fault. This hurts my heart to hear this. This shelter issue is definately something that our government needs to deal with ASAP. Innocent lives should not be put at jeopardy because of some sterotype. It's absurd.

lkm1991 said...

I agree with the California Appeals Court that overturned a lower court's decision not allowing four men who were the victims of domestic violence from resceiving aid from domestic violence shelters. I feel that boys who are seeking shelter from domestic violence situationsare just as emotionally distraught and emotionally confused and vulnerable as girls. In denying boys over the age of 12 protection in domestic violence shelters the law is guilty once again of stereotyping and generalization which lead to a serious miscarriage of protection for victims both female and male in the situations of domestic violence. I believe the system can accommodate women who have children, boys and girls of any age, who are the victimes of domestic violence, and that likewise shelters should be designed to house men and their children of any age who are also the victims in domestic violence situations. It is a matter of equal protection and equitable rights for both genders under the law.

RSXGirlie1988 said...

I believe anyone should be allowed into a shelter and that a person's gender should not make a difference. If a mother, daughter, and son run to a shelter to escape abuse and the boy is turned away because of his gender-what is that telling him? The shelter thought he was a "danger" before, what about now? It could demolish all ethics, morals, hopes, etc and he could revert to the life of his attacker so-to-speak. Men can be the victims just as much as women came. I do not see a difference. Everyone deserves a chance. We can improve the shelters by accepting everyone and not discriminating.

Ballinasian said...

I believe that men can be a product of domestic violenece. Now saying that I do realize that men have a more violent behavior than women. But, I think that for women it all comes down to the fact that desperate times call for desperate measures. Women can resort to violence over issues over marriage, money, and any number of things. If your wife goes ballistic on husband and kids then, I believe that men and young boys should be allowed in shelters because that is just being sexist to not let men in when most if not all of the victims in the shelters are all women. It should be important to let a young boy to stay with his father if they are the victim because a man without any father figure is rough because just having a mom as a parent could result in different views from the parent (mother).

pt4life813 said...

I think that this is a very sexist thing to do to not allow boys and men into shelters and help males out. I think this is more because of the fact that in most domestic violence cases it is the male that gets in trouble no matter what the situation. I dont think its fair to discriminate against one sex when it could be equally a womens fault as it could a man's fault.

Dgirl89 said...

I feel that men and boys should be aloud to get help from shelters if they need to. Maybe if they do not want to put the men and sons in with the women and daughters, then they should make a shelter for men and let the sons go with the mothers and daughters. People in the world think that it is just the women and girls that are victims in domestic violence, but there are some crazy women out there where the men are the victims. I think this is becoming more common than before. The law enforcement should not assume things, which they do in many situations. In the case from the article, if the daughter was not present at the time and told the police, her father would have gone to jail when it wasnt even his fault.

greenjellybean said...

I definately support allowing boys and men into these protection shelters. Even if men are less likely to be the victims in these situations does not mean there aren't any innocent husbands, sons, and motherless children who need our help and protection from these shelters. Our society takes these huge numbers and statistics and runs with it without thinking twice about the many others they are severely damaging. There are husbands who are getting beat up by their wives and they were raised properly knowing you should never lay a hand on a woman and no one will listen or believe what they have to say. We can't reach equality if people continue to deny the truth. Women are just as guilty in this situation as men and those males in danger should be given the same security as any other female victim. It is a serious problem and I think law makers should help out and continue to make some serious changes.

DannyBoy said...

I believe that men should be allowed into these shelters.Women are not the only victims in violent crimes.I do not think that the shelters should discriminate on who gets to stay there based on sex or any thing for that matter.Any one could be a victim of a violent crime.The rights of a man should be exactly equal to those of a woman in every way and visa versa.I belive that every one has the right to a place where they feel safe and secure.Men should have the same rights to a shelter if they need it.

Vicki said...

I think these rules in California are unbelievable. Yes, men in most cases may be bigger and stronger than a woman, but size and strength don’t matter at all if the woman has a weapon. So, even though it may occur less often, a man can be a victim of domestic violence just as much as a woman can. I believe the shelters should be for men and women. Why should a woman have to send her 12 year old child to an orphanage so she can escape the abuse? I’m sure there are many women who endure the abuse simply because they can’t take their sons with them to a shelter. Shelters should be opened to both genders, especially if they are being funded by government money.

lolita said...

wow, well after reading that I am honestly shocked. I did not know that kind of stuff happened, I know it sounds ignorant but its true and I think that there are a lot of other people out there like me who dont know this is going on. In fact the only ppl who know its going on are the ppl who its happening to. I think that this is infact a problem and that this steryotype should be fixed. while I can imagine why they wouldnt help men and boys however, that dosnt exclude them from being abused. evil does not discrminate....so why do we?
I must say that I was particulary botherd by the fact that they do not let young boys stay with their mothers. HELLO if you put them in an orphanege you are only adding to the problem! they are more likely to grow up and be a threat to society or themselves especially because they came from an abusive family. Do they not think about the emotional damage they are caucsing when they send these young boys away from their mothers? obviously the age of dircrimintation is not over and we should be able to stand up to this.
As for fixing the problem I agree with such laws as V.A.W.A and think that there should be more like it. change comes from within...

joeyohweoh said...

Today’s domestic violence support shelter is absolute non-sense; men are human as well and sometimes need help. Men usually don’t ask for help but when it is necessary should be applied because we do pay taxes too. I believe the current domestic violence support shelters are not fully operational and a few minor adjustments should be introduced in order to improve on the stability of this support shelter. A few adjustments I think should be acquired would be the availability of any type of gender, should be able to receive help from shelters if and when necessary through an inspection of the person applying for aid.

chantillylace26 said...

I do not know much about shelters, but from what the article said, they should improve their bias against males. I think everyone stands a fair chance to be helped despite their status or gender. I think they should let men into shelters, if there is a good enough reason to. They should treat them like any other. I also agree that law enforcement should not be so quick to judge, and learn the facts before they make a decision.

Jinkzt3r said...

Although I agree that men should be allowed to be admitted to these shelters, I can see that turning it around so people don't .. "jump to conclusion or assumptions" right off the bat will take some time to get used to. I think that these programs lead by both the local and federal governments should train their employees to be more open to particular situations than they currently are. You can see this type of behavior in more places than in this particular one.

Responding to pixiebobs comment saying men should have their own shelters to be able to go to... of course, why would they not? It only seems logical that they would separate the shelters, but even if they chose not to, every one would understand one another quite well..so I think the trouble would be minimal.

Anyways, no one deserves to be abused by their spouse - male or female - in any way.

michelleyip said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
michelleyip said...

I believe men should be allowed in shelters especially if they have been abused. That is just creating stereo types against the male gender. If the men are in these situations then they should be able to get help from shelters. They already have troubles and now they are creating more. Most cases it is the woman getting abused. But that does not mean males can not be the victims in domestic violence. Now a mother not being able to bring their son into shelters is very wrong. They are still young and have nothing else. Kids do need their parents for support at any age. This could be a big factor for homeless children in the United States ?.

pachrique said...

I dont really have much to say about this one. Its sad that boys over the age of 12 are forced to be put in foster homes when their family is suffering from abuse. I know there are some shelters that already let men in here in florida, but keep them on the opposite side of the building. I'm glad people are starting to see that men need help too and are extending that help to them. Creating shelters just for men would be a good idea, too. That actually seems to be the best choice when it comes to sheltering men. Now that idea just needs to spread to all the states.

Also I think it sucks that even when women abuse men, when police come it's usualy the man that has to leave or is blamed.

goodriddens said...

I honestly have never really looked at the state our shelters are in, but after reading this I am kinda pissed actually. Even though yes I know men cause probably about 90% of domestic violence they can still big the victim. When that judge threw out the case because men cause it and are not vitims he probably just thought how can a man be the victim he is bigger than the women and can kill her without a problem, but what he probably didn't think was that there are men like me out there that were raised differently. I would never hurt a women even if she beat me everyday, I might leave but I would rather be abused that be the abusee? You never hit women and I dont think the judge understood that so men think that way and would rather be hit. And the fact that maegans mother had a shotgun and the police still arrested David first is just dumb, those cops should be fired for thta or atleast have corrective action take on them.

Ashley Michelle said...

So I definitely think men should have equal rights. First different colored skins are discriminated against, and now men?! What's next? people with diverse hair colors? Like Mrs. Smith said, men are just as much domestically abused as women are, and if they are searching for help, then he should not be denied it. Abuse emotionally hurts people and if they are out there begging for help, give it to them. I would be amazed even if a man actually came out and said he was abused, since most men it's like pulling teeth sometimes trying to get something out of them. I think no matter what age under 12 or over 12 should be considered. The main reasons of shelters are to take the hurt in, to help the people who need it, and to shelter-protect. If men are getting denied, then should it really be called a shelter? No! It should be called, "Hey, I don't take care of men!".

Darren L. said...

I think this is outrageous, i never realized that men could not use these shelters. I can't believe someone who pays their taxes can't use the actual facilities it pays for. I don't think there is anything equal or fair about that. Now about the boys 12 years old and up, i can't believe that they are actually not allowed to stay there. That is equal to a 6th or 7th grader, that is an age where i'm sure they realize that they are being taken away, but probably don't understand the full extent of why someone is saying they have to be sent away from their mother. I think that is horrible and is causing alot more damage than good. Who has the right to say what age a child has to leave his family.

wes said...

I agree with the California judges ruling of excluding men from domestic violence violates equal protection rights. The reversal of that decision is very defects the purpose of justice and equal protection under the law as a constitutional right of all citizens of the United states. The definition of domestic violence as defined by DICTIONARY.COM is the acts of violence or abuse against a person living in one's household, esp. a member of one's immediate family.
As a the world changes along with the traditional view of what makes up a family, the laws should be changed as well. Who are gay and lesbian couples to turn to when it comes to issues of domestic violence. Are they still citizens entitled to equal protection under the law and services? The article also mentioned in the case of David, that the shelters do not help men, as if they are not human beings capable to, who can be victims of violence as well.
The rule reguarding 12 year old boys is inhumane in reguards of breaking up families, sexist and discriminatory against males. The statement from WEAVE saying that they do not help men, and that men are the perpetrators of domestic violence, not the victims, is a stereotype. Men are often times victims but it is often not reported or believed during many domestic violence disputes. As society changes, women are gaining more power and often the the head of household and men mayb even subject to non-physical abuse such as emotional and mental abuse, we do have feelings and we should be protected.

lilbit said...

Well I think our shelters are good for women on getting them out of bad situations and helping them get back on their feet but men need the same help too. My step dad went through the same problem with his first wife she beat him all the time and threw glass ashtrays at him but he never once touched her. Then when he decided that he had, had enough no shelter would take him in and lucky enough he found a family member hat would help him. I think it is crap that shelters would think of such a horrible thing as to spilt up young boys from their family just because they are boys that is the first thing that needs to be fixed right there.Then after they get that under control they need to fix the law where shelters will help men get out of abusive relationships because there are still some decent men out there that won't hit a women.And i don't think the law should be one sided there shouldn't be help for only women but then when a man is asking for help send him away like he is the one at fault.

Athena Smith said...

What has come out of these posts, which is surprising, is how many of you had personal stories to share on males being abused by females.
The second characteristic emerging from these accounts is that the male victims did not hit back.
It has happened in my extended family as well. My late aunt used to beat up her husband. That was 50-60 years ago, in Greece, during a time when women did not have equal rights. My uncle never protested nor reported it of course, nor hit back.

Florida Mom said...

I think that men should be allowed into shelters. For one thing, if a woman is abused and she has no where to turn to because she has a son who is 14. The shelter will not let her son in so she may stay in the violent atmosphere with her son. Also, this would include abused male children over the age of 12. It seems really unfair for the government to assume that men are never in need of help. Then- with no other options available, the men and young boys are trapped in a rough situation. I think the government should reevaluate this regulation, and maybe see exactly who it is that this law is hurting.

RAFY said...

I believe the current situation is a bad one. Domestic violence does not discriminate and men can be victima as well. I don't think the laws are fair at all. We are supossed to protect everyone that qualifies as a victim, boys included. Separating a family because of gender seems like a form of segregation and people's rights should be equal in all areas applicable. When I was in high school,I had to do a report on domestic violence and while it is true women are way more likely to be the victims, guys are prone to abuse as well.They tend not to reported, so it stays in the shadows of society. (on top of that, its not very common either)
Overall, I am glad the laws are shifting in favor of equality. Now, unfair treatment based on gende truly seems to be dissapearing. That seems like a step on the right direction to me.

supergirl said...

I think that it is ridiculous that young boys are forced to be separated from their mother when she is a domestic violence victim. The stereotype that women are the only victim of domestic violence is part of an ideal that is stunting the growth of our society. The idea that women can’t abuse men is absurd. As I read this article I was shocked. I was unaware that such sexist views were still held. In an age where everyone tries to be politically correct, this is the last thing that I expected.
I’m sure that there are documents that must be presented to gain access and be allowed into these domestic violence shelters so if they’re worried about the possibility of the abusive men gaining entry and threatening the women’s safety, they should do a better job of checking those they admit.
I greatly support the decision to allow men into these shelters-especially in the case of a victim’s son. This seems to be one of those problems in society that is unjust but doesn’t get enough attention brought to it. I’m glad to have been made aware of this topic.

Belle said...

All men should have equal rights as women and visa versa. Men should be aloud to seek shelter as woman are. I do believe that whenever this law was put in place about men not being aloud in the shelters, the law makers were trying to do what they thought were best for the people in shelters. It is obvious now that this law is doing way more harm than good.

It seems most the cases that we hear of on television or through friends are of men beating their wives. This is a horrible stereotype that our society has formed. I hope that with men being aloud into shelters, that we are taking huge steps away from this stereotype. It is sad that abuse happens period, but I am glad people have help to turn to

Nurse4U said...

Victims of domestic violence, whether men or female, should have equal rights when it comes to support shelters. The stereotype that just woman are victims is so false. Men and boys should be allowed a safe place and support when put in this type of situation. Any boy under the age of 18 living at home should be kept with the parent going into the shelter. How unfair to not allow a 12 year old boy to stay with his parent. He is also a victim of the domestic violence and needs help and support as well. I feel if you are a victim of domestic violence your gender should not matter.

Disneyfreak said...

I do not know alot about this particular subject. However from what the article says it sounds very upseting. I believe in the first part that men should not be allowed in to shelters with women and children. I think that there should be family shelters for that. When it comes to boys I think that they should be allowed to go into shelters with their mothers untill the age of 15 after that if a mother and son wants to go into a shelter together then they should go to a family shelter. I think that after the age of 15 then the son is a little old to be in a shelter for women but they shouldn't have to go away from there mom.

HeatherF said...

I think that people can be abused from many angles, male or female. There are some men that have been victims of abuse and more than deserve treatment and help just as much as any woman. I find it absurd that a male can't be helped strictly because he is male. Human is human. I think a decent way to start is maybe for the women shelters, having a section dedicated for men. That could even prove helpful in the longrun. What if a child or female has such a warped sense of what a man or father is suppose to be, this could potentially give them the opportunity to see another side of men/women. Everyone deserves help and men are just as much victims as women, some men just don't fight back.

blogger59 said...

The best way to improve any system is to get involved.
I have very little unbiased opinion about any “State run system” but that is another soapbox. But to follow the question about how to improve any social conscious program is to get involved. Unfortunately most people don’t get involved until they are affected by the problem, directly or indirectly.

If I read the Court Brief correctly, the issues of disparity due to gender was/is more of an over-sight from legal jurisdictions that are a bit out-dated. In reference to the limitation of the Domestic violence programs, the exclusion was not intentional, the programs where written out to provide for all in need.
America is a great place, where we the people have the opportunity to approach the courts and request amendments or to reform prior statues that reflected the beliefs and morals of the past.

I know a few men in different parts of the U.S. that have created Non-Profit organizations to help each other during these types of crisis. More men need to speak up for equal rights just as the women have learned to do.

Having Lawyers willing to do pro-bono work helps to because they build great experience when representing the People Vs the State.

With this particular case, after all that was said and done, when this case was appealed and reviewed it was overturned and the defendants were reimbursed for their appellant fees. Plus the “Non-Gender” programs where defined clearly not just for all parties involved but also for all those similar cases in the future..

Fair? I think so. I don’t think it is beneficial to either gender to cohabitate in an environment that is considered rehabilitating Until the person who was traumatized resolves their behavioral issues, it would be detrimental to mix both sexes in the initial environment for safety and for the real purpose of the program. The programs are designed to help those who are at their worst place in life; helpless and possibly homeless.
I am unable to propose how to protect the children from such a viscous cycle.

Shay said...

I believe that the shelters do show discrimination towards men because the stereotypical domestic violence case is a man and many feel that the men are the violaters no the victims. However, I feel this is obsurd and unjust.

I have a friend who was stabbed by his girlfriend and he pushed her away yet he is the one with the domestic violence charge. Its ridiculous! In certain situations like this, the law tends to show favoritism towards women.

The typical man is not going to tell that he is getting beat up (or abused) by a women anyways, so there are probably more cases of women being more violent towards men than vice versa. Even if not, women are the ones starting the confrentations.

I know I am a women and I am voicing me opinion on the opposite perspective but I feel that everyone should have equal rights! Men and Women! Punishments should be the same, for crimes committed.

For an shelter to say that they do not care for men, I definetly think there should be some sort of law opposing this.

This is also why we have so many young boys in the streets and being exposed to violence at such a young age, because of them not being able to be placed in the proper environment.

x3tink0x3 said...

I think this law is very appropriate. I feel that just because a majority of the domestic violence victims that are reported are women we do need to have a way to help men. Men don’t want to speak out so they need a place where they can go where there is no judgment, where they can be safe too, even if it is a separate shelter. But at the same time women need to bring their children in their shelters no matter what gender. Everyone needs to feel safe and if we turn away some because of their gender that makes our country look bad. We say even one has equal rights so why wouldn’t this apply with shelters? I feel our lawsystem is unjust. If a women was hit and then hits back and maybe kills the man she will have nothing done to her, but if a woman hits a man and he defends him self in the same way, he would go to jail. Its not fair.

Melissa said...

I think that we should open or doors for EVERYONG who has been abused. If they are worried about women in shelters being abused by the men, then why not open an all male shelter? Men are abused more then we know. They have a bigger ego and pride to ever tell they are being hurt by a woman, someone who in their minds are supposed to be weaker. Allow the children to stay with their mothers! I don't understand the age limit on the boys staying with their mothers, when most of the time they are the reason the mothers left the abuse to begin with.

Trau said...

Everyone should have an equal chance to go to a shelter, man or woman, boy or girl, if they need it. Women are not the only ones that have been abused, men are to though the cases are largely not reported. What about all those dads out there who have an infant and the mother left? They may want to be a responsible parent but with out being allowed help how could they?

Women fought for equal rights with men and men should have the same rights as women, its only right and fair.

jb23 said...

I agree with the article I think men should be allowed into the shelters. I think it's absurd that they will not allow a single male because they think men are the only ones that cause violence. Not all men are alike and not all women are alike either. I think it's all about equality and justice and by letting only females into the shelters is not fair on the part of the men in the country. Hopefully something will work out later on so that the rule will be changed for the men and they will in fact be allowed into these sheltered homes.

Kazoom525 said...

I think that the younger boys should be allowed in the shelters,but they are women shelters.The women in these shelters have been abused by their husbands, and probably don't have a very high opinion of men at this point. Also, men that have been abused probably don't have a very high opinion of women either. Of course after a certain point this cannot be an excuse for either sexes, but at that point they should be back on their feet and out of the shelter. I don't think it's fair to blame women's shelters for men not having anywhere to turn. Men that have gone through this and realized that there is nowhere for abused men to go when they need support should take affirmative action and make a shelter for men. But instead all they're doing, or so it seems, is blaming the women's shelters. Women's shelters are to protect women. If men want protection they need to work together and create thier own instead of piggybacking off of a support system for women.

liime_aiide said...

This is truely unfair! Just because most of the time it is the men abusing the women does not mean that a women is incapable of abusing a man. Men should be given the same right as a women should. Who are we to send a father and his child out on the streets or back home to the abusive mother.

mescobar3 said...

I agree with the decision to allow men into these shelter homes. I frankly do not understand this issue at all about not being able to enter in the home as a boy over 12 years old or anything like that. Also I think that it is absurd to hear the story of how the cops came into the home and immediately arrested the man and not the women. It just shows how stereo typical we can be. And lets face it, today, most families can have issues from either wife or husband. Therefore it is important for us to switch our mind set from "We don't help men" and begin "helping males".

hunter07 said...

I think this rule is ridiculous men and young boys should be allowed in shelters. Women can be just as violent or more violent then men in some cases. You see it in the news all the time. Many cases of child abuse have to do with the mother abusing or even killing her own child/children. Anyone that is crazy enough to hurt her own children is definitely capable of hurting a spouse. Men are probably abused all the time but don’t say anything or try to get help because they are to proud. Lets face it any man that tells his friends his wife beats him is going to be made fun of or they are going to think he is full of it. That is the society we live in. Although I think they should be kept in separate facilities, men should have the same rights as women and be able to be safe from abuse. A women should also be able to bring her son with her to a shelter who cares if he is over twelve if he is still under 18 it is her son and they should be able to be together when they need each other the most. A man should also be able to bring his son or daughter to a shelter. These parents are going through enough as victims of abuse they should not have to choose between being with their and child or being safe, everyone deserves to be able to escape the abuse.

sally soltau said...

i agree that the laws should change and allow men to go to shelters. Yes people might have a hard time imagining how a man cant fight a woman back defend himself, but first of all that isn't the best thing to do, and secondly because its a woman, many men might find it hard to do anything back. I believe it is an unfair world for men when it comes to violence. Having separate shelters for men from the women is the only way i see for this to work. In addition, to letting the sons of the women should be allowed to stay with the mother. There is no reason for them to put them in a worse situation. This is something people should definitely fight for and support!

Da Chris said...

I believe that men should be allowed into shelters! If needed a certain area can be set up for men and boys. But men are just as much a victim as a women might be. Just because most cases noted are of women does not mean that this kind of stuff can't happen to men. Men in these situations are just as emotionally challenged as the women. So to keep the emotions at ease (like I said before) have certain areas designed for men and boys then another for women and girls. We shouldn't turn someone down to a shelter when they need help just because they're a male!!

A problem is that it's hard to measure what you are saying. Emotions can not be measured, but the number of domestic abuse cases can.

I don't get it though. Just becuase women are typically the victim more often that men are banned from shelters. Maybe someone can explain the logic to me. The fact that men are barded indefinably is just plain stupid. Sons are taken away becuase "he mighjt be abusive too". This logic seems to be taken out of thin air (or someone's back end). I know that typically males become abusive in an abusive household and females will seek abusive relationship. This may be their reason, but then how do they still toss them away. Perhaps this is related........

I feel bad that with the black male article I was critic, but this one I am not. Perhaps I'm biased......

Bluefieldstana said...

In my opinion domestic violence against men is more likely unknown because men supposed to be the strongest gender in society. We usually think that a woman can not hurt a man because of the physical appearance. This is a myth for the reason that, what will hurt a man mentally and emotionally, can in some cases be very different from what hurts a woman. For example, in most cases men is more affected by emotional abuse than physical abuse because men are more sensitive to emotional abuse than women. Also the media and different organization advocate domestic violence against women and very little is known about domestic violence against men. Men should lift up their voice and fight against domestic violence similar to what women are doing. The answer is in every man that is abused because if they do not talk they will never be heard and will continue to be unknown in society. The government should provide protection for men that are abused by women, because “men and women have the same rights” in society.

dragonfly said...

The "hen-pecked" man abused by his wife has been the brunt of jokes and cartoons forever. However, domestic violence against men is a serious but hidden problem. Children are being emotionally harmed as witnesses of the violence while their fathers are unable to get help. In our society, it is stereotyped that men will tolerate more pain than women. They are taught to “grin and bear it”, or told “big boys don’t cry”. This stereotyping cliché has been the attitude of society for many decades, probably centuries. I too am a child by a domestic abused mother. I watched my dad take a lot of verbal and physical abuse from my mother. I remember growing up on many occasions where my mother would throw dishes, flatten tires, and destroy precious gifts my dad brought her. Her verbal abuse was probably the worse, because it made my dad feel like a failure. My dad learned to tolerate my mother’s temper until they divorced which was years later after I left home. I know my dad would have seek help from a shelter if this service was available then.
I believe that experiences like this can and does path the way to make changes in society. Men as well as women have the right to have laws that protect them and their children. Laws are made to be changed; only if only, people are willing to bring the changes to the forefront as such as David and Maegan. Equality has come a long way for both women and men, but without awareness to change societies way of thinking, inequalities will always exist

bucs06 said...

i definitely agree that men should have the same opportunities as women, it is ridicules and hypocritical for shelters that are trying to do good for our country, to put young men and boys out on the street, just because of their sex. these people are victims of domestic abuse and to ignore their needs goes completely against why the shelters began in the first place. there is even less of an excuse to the shelters who are funded by tax payers, which men also contribute to, are getting none of the reparations. what most disturbs me is that young boys twelve years of age have two choices, one to either go back to the abusive home, or go to an orphanage this is outrageous for a minor, who remember is the victim, to be put through further trauma like this.

Artimid said...

Kazoom525 - You need to understand that men aren't trying to "piggyback" off the women's shelters. These shelters are -tax- run, which means men pay for them as well, they are not "women shelters" they are "shelters."
Also, I don't consider it fair that if men want a shelter, instead of being allowed to use the tax money like women can, they have to build their own with their own money out of pocket, while continuing to support the "women" shelters through their taxes. Pretty fair opinion there.

Also, the reason for not allowing boys over 12, as sited by some of the people who help run shelters, and are behind the "no male allowed anywhere" rules said, "The reason for this policy, which you don't mention, is that many shelters take younger women, including girls in their teens, and the boys in families are often older than some of the females in the facility and there are no provisions to monitor their behavior-- violent or sexual." - Boys 12 and older, thats right.

Even in the movie Pursuit of Happyness, I think I mispelled it correctly, based on a true story, he was told that his 6-7 year old son could go into the homeless shelter, but he would have to sleep somewhere else.

Enigma Breeze said...

I think it sucks that men aren't treated equally in domestic violence cases. Men can be abused just as a women can, and they should be allowed in shelters. If the problem is mixing them with women, then the there should be one made specifically for men. I think if domestic violence against men was placed in the media as much as it is against women, then people would begin to understand the reality of the situation. Contrary to popular belief, men are not always the agressive ones in a relationship. It is already hard to admit that someone is abusing you, and it is even harder to build up courage to ask for help. No one deserves to be abused, and if someone feels like they need protection, law enforcement should not deny them because of their gender.

Caduceus01 said...

I was unaware of this problem, but I am not surprised. There are many double standards in life and often they go unresolved. It's nice to see some positive changes regarding this issue. I hope that when addressing this issue they use the common sense that will be required. Many women who are abused become fearful of men and to house men and women together might cause issues and backfire in their face, and undermine their good intensions. So perhaps they can create seperate faciliates for men and women or insure that when housing them together that there is enough supervision to deter any further trauma to either party (men or women).

pcenluv08 said...

I actually had no idea that men were not being admitted into domestic violence support shelters, and I can't believe that that was a restriction, it is ridiculous! I can't even begin to understand what logic was used towards the decision of the denial of men into these shelters, and it is especially barbaric to deny a male child. Therefore, I am definitely for the reversal from the Court of Appeal, and it is only fair to allow every one into the shelters. I think that this decision is long over due, because men have been being abused for a while just like women have, and it is cruel to have turned our backs, but I suppose it is still better late than never.

Livelife220 said...

Reading this article made me sad/upset and wonder what other situations government creates inequality. I personally believe that everyone should have equal rights no matter the person’s gender. In that case, shelters should definitely accept men in domestic violence situations. By doing that, they support males at any age and can help or even save a young boy’s life.
Although there are many unfortunate/ignored cases due to domestic violence, I’m relief to know that they are somewhat changing the system (like the V.A.W.A.). In brief, I don’t think anyone deserves to be abused and it’s a real disappointment if the government is not taking men in to shelters just because of the gender. I guess we just have to hope for the better and actually do something about it.

Athena Smith said...

Here in Tampa we have -among many other agencies- THE SPRING OF TAMPA BAY

It appears it helps both males and females, but separately. I copy the following:
“Project Roberta Program” in collaboration with Hillsborough County; domestic violence victims are contacted for support and prevention. “Roberta Cards” for female victims and “R.C. Harrison Cards” for male victims are sent to urging them to call our crisis hotline number for intervention, safety planning and life saving prevention.


In 1996, The Spring started a juvenile intervention program, called “Peace in Action,” aimed at ending the cycle of abuse for boys and girls ages 10-17."


For those of you who would like to volunteer, please visit their VOLUNTEER page.

Athena Smith said...

Also they appear to be in need of certain items

You must have cell phones that of no use, right?
Well....??????

SBella said...

its just like a man getting rapes. Our law enforscement takes it as a joke, a sick joke and do not prosecute woman. Many men are involved in domestic disputes and its always the " females" that are the victims; which is more so true, but there are some men that have domestic disputes where they in fact are the victims. And the reason they are not taken serious is simply due to the fact of how rare it happens. What happened to an equal right to both genders? its stereotyping and gender discrimibation, just because one might be stronger than the other STILLdoes not mean they are able to protect themselves.In response to HotBlonde in some way this fact is correct but you have to think about equality on both behalf; how can one justify that men are not just as prone to domestic voilence as women are???

SBella said...

I agre with letting men into our shelters, we have no reason not to. If theres a problem with men and women coninciding in the same room-split 'em up, Its not hard.

keekee said...

I think that the majority of people needing these shelters are women and their children, but the sad fact is, that there are women out there that abuse their husbands and their children, either way, the victims need to be protected! Gone are the days of only women and children being the victims. Although, I am sure that there were and there still is today, women who abuse their spouses, we just never heard of it. Think about it, how many men, even now, would say that they are being abused, they have a better chance of protection if they said that the wife was abusing the kids, at least they would know that there would be action taken to protect the kids. Today though, we even have children that abuse their parents or kill their parents and siblings. I don’t think that “crazy” discriminates who it affects and we should not discriminate who we protect. Like most of the things that are wrong with our system, unless it happens to us or should I say happens to enough of us, our voice will not be strong enough to be heard to make the changes that need to be made. I think that keeping this kind of policy in place will only send a message to our young men out there that we still believe that they should suppress what they feel, not cry, man up, dominate, live in caves, etc. Truth is that there are more and more fathers out there that are getting custody of their kids and if they need any services that help them out, we should provide it!

Flip Barbie said...

I would definitely have to agree to letting males of any age to join the shelters. We are entitled to the same rights so I don’t think this would be any different, especially if the boy has or is a victim of domestic violence or anything else horrible. This actually reminds me of a seminar we had at my school that was about having sex at a young age and statutory rape. Basically, if you have sex with anyone under the age of 16 its considered statutory rape regardless if it was consensual, but they also told us, a woman cannot be charged with rape, because physically, a woman cannot rape a man. I just thought it was unfair since the situation was the same, but the roles were reversed.

Jessica said...

It amuses me that in a country where, as a woman, I fight for a full extent of equal rights that you find the opposite happening. I believe men can be victims just as much, if not more than, men. The unfortunate part about being a man whom becomes a victim of domestic (or even a boy in which you will be taken from your family) is that you have nowhere to turn.

The fact that when a man gets the strength to tell someone about the abuse in their home, they are turned away in unfair.

There is absolutely no reason why men should not be allowed in shelters. Once the police report has been filed and the perpetrator tagged, a man that has been fallen victim should be able to take refuge just as any woman. I think, in today's society, that our vision of feminism in this sense has been warped. Yes, help women who have been hurt... but remember one thing. Just because you are pro women doesn't mean you are anti men.

Shelters and support groups need to remember that.

skeletor said...

I believe the law is set one sided, man being exposed to domestic violence, and is turned away without no proper protection. The law state that the shelter are only available to women who are been abused. In the case of Megan and her father David these people could have offer them some assistance, she constantly plead with them to help she and her dad and they would not even put any though to it. Shelters that have a cut off age for boy if they are over 12 years old is unfair to parents who have to make that difficult decision of leaving there sons behind to be abused are placed in orphanage. I hope that the system will get better so they can help to give both female and male victims of abuse.

irishqt7 said...

I don’t really understand why men shouldn’t have equal opportunities when it comes to shelters. If there are women who feel threatened or scared of the men, then maybe they should have a separate area for men. Men have feelings and need protection just as much as women do. Domestic violence doesn’t just happen to women it also happens to men.

TaureanWong said...

It seems that there should be a means by which men can be in shelters, in the big picture. On the other hand, with the built-in connotation of why many women are in shelters in the first place, and a lot of the influence that gender roles have, along with the stigma embedded in our society about the treatment of women, I'm not so sure how it should be implemented. On principle, yes, the shelters should be equal, however in terms of the reality of the situation and the tension behind it, I feel more like a "I dont' know". When it comes to children though, I feel like male or female, they shouldn't have to be separated from their mother.

Aboylan said...

I feel like men should have safe homes too. Maybe not at the same location as the woman because, the woman there I am sure already have male issues but, I agree that they should have some where to go. And as far as a mother not being able to bring her son into the shelter with her, that is ridiculous! That is her child and just because it is male and not female it gets treated differently. System is obviously corrupt.

London Skies said...

I believe men should have equal rights therefore they should be able to go into shelters when need be. I think the best way to do this would be to have a seperate shelter for men and seperate shelters for woman with older sons, because it is completely unfair to split a family at such a trying time. Especially when it comes to not alowing older boys into shelters with their mothers, no mother wants to leave her child behind but especially not with an abusive parent and god only what situations they would end up being around in foster care. I can't believe it is 2008 and we are just now starting to confront this issue. This is something that should have been fixed a LONG time ago!!!

truth08 said...

This is such a sad case. I believe that the men should be treated just as equally as the women. It's not fair that the men can't get help in situations like that. Especially for the boys that are 12 years and older that can't stay. That is really sad because they have to be taken away from their family but yet if they have a sister, the sister is allowed to stay. I find that completely ridiculous. I think that the men should be allowed to stay in the shelters.

vertuxa said...

I was always under impression that strict non-discrimination policies are applied to all American organizations, especially those that are government funded. In any case, the law is applicable to all without prejudice. The same crime committed by a man or a woman is punishable by a similar sentence. An abuse shelter should not discriminate based on gender and I do not understand how in our day and age this issue does not get the necessary national attention. If statistically men are not similarly situated as women then it should not take too much of taxpayers funding to provide same abuse help services to men. It is unlikely that support centers will be flooded with male victims of abuse, and if they will then some very odd statistics have been used.

wrtmillions said...

I think that males should be allowed in shelters. Women can be more abusive and more violate then males. I think that all states should followed this example and allow males in shelters if they need help. Who are we to just turn our backs on any human being if they need help? I find that to be very discrimination for shelters to do. Can you imagine how many males go to jail for domestic violate chargers that are false charges to begin with. This is a sad system and women should not abuse it because they are angry or upset.

Lightning01 said...

I beleive that the law should be equal for men and women, and that it is a good idea to allow men and young boys into shelters. It would show women in shelters that it is not only them who get abused and that all men are not a like. Seperating young boys from their families because they are not welcome into shelters is also rediculous especially if they were abused just like their mothers. Equality is important in our society, and we should strive for it in all things.

Brian H said...

i think men should most definitaley be allowed into shelters, and that there should be shelters for both young men and all men alike. men have just the same amount of rights to shelter as women do, and anyone with emotions is going to be prone to abuse, both pyhscial and mental. in fact if they wanted to take it really far they could make a number that abused people call, and someone can come pick them up witha police escort. that could help cut abuse rates in half in both men and women

wwiegert said...

The fact of the matter is that all citizens in need of the services of these shelters should have rights just as equal, regardless of sex. And, is it just because amusement parks charge children as adults at age twelve that they are not to be accepted into a shelter with their mother and siblings simply because that child is a boy? Yes, something should be done about the system’s current method of madness, but at the same time, it is not the system that is not permitting the safeguarding of men, by the sounds of it, the stereotypes and personal grudges of individuals are keeping the system from an un-biased function. Maybe the change should come first from the people of America, whom so easily turn the other cheek when hard facts contradict their beliefs.

sweetmenthol said...

I think, it is unfair on the men not have shelter to run to like women. It is wrong for our society to believe that only abused women needs shelter. A lot of men are abused too, by their partners and the worst case is the young boys of ages 12years and above not being allow to stay with their mother in the shelter but rather be sent to a foster home, is a sad case.I think this type of law should be reverse and give both party right of protection from abuse.
Abused men could be frustated and do drastic things to themselveles if they did not get necessary help and the young boy that is sent to a foster home could even face more abuse from going from one foster home to the other and this could mess his life up forever.

clalexa said...

Society in most of its entirety doesn’t accept or comprehend that men can also be abuse by women This way of thinking entice a lot of abuse to go undetected or no prosecuted. Men that are abuse should have the right to have resources and shelter available to them just as they are for women. While we allow animals to be shelter with their owners and females any age to accompany their mothers or relatives we are digging a bigger hole by not allowing any male older than 12 years old that is either a victim or son of a victim. Resources and tools should be put in place to establish programs that allow men in shelter or to coordinate and create shelters for men.

baseballer8132 said...

I believe men have the equal right as women to enter shelters. IF they are worried that a guy is going to enter a shelter with all women and he was attacked, then they should open up an all men shelter. Even if it is smaller because numbers for men be domestically abused are rare.

Ways to improve these shelters are to allow men into shelters. It shouldn't only be women. Men have rights as well, not all men are violent to there wives and not all wives are violent to there husbands. But we should improve these shelters with a guy building and a girl building to separate them.

beren1hand3 said...

this is a situation that needs attention because i think it has the potential to in fact create abuse. when a man is being abused and is denied help by the organizations meant to help him, he only has one option, face his abuse head on. often that confrontation with an abusive female spouse will lead to violent acts. even if the female is the violent one, if the man subdues her using force he is pratically handcuffing himself. there are irrational violent women just like there are men, and if a man is victimized he should be able seek the shelter his taxes help pay for without the threat of further abuse due to prejudice.

mp88 said...

I think that men should have equal opportunities like women do because it’s not fair towards the men especially if they have been through that kind of violence. Domestic violence can hurt men and women, it might be more towards women, but men still have that problem and to turn them away would be wrong especially towards young boys. If they are so afraid to have men come into a women’s shelter then they should make one for men. But I do believe that nobody should have the right to tell a young boy that is twelve years old or older that they are too old to be in the shelter and to send them away to a foster home instead of being with his real family. I think that there should be a shelter home for men and women so they can feel like they have somewhere safe to go.

Harper said...

Let me start off by saying that I am thankful for any shelter that helps abused or battered women,(in a different time this would not be a possibility nor a reality)however with that said, sometimes good things need reform too. That is why I think some rules should be made to allow men into shelters as well,not on the same side of the shelter as the abused women for obvious (safety and privacy issues) but yes shelters should be open for men too.I also think that the boys definitely need to have the option to stay with there moms and or sisters in the shelter unless they give the shelter a reason other then gender not to be trusted. Families going through the experience of having to leave there homes should always be comforted knowing that they can be together in a safe haven. Perhaps we as a society should get away from calling a shelter for abused women to just calling it a shelter for abused families.Every one deserves the chance to go home to a safe place without the fear of being turned away or being separated, after all "abuse" and fear dose not discriminate and neither should we!!

Stranger said...

I think it is wrong to assume that only women will need assistance and shelter from abusive situations. It isn't rare for a young boy to be abused by his father and/or mother. Since men can also be victims of domestic violence, there should be a separate safe haven for them as well. By separating families during hard times, the situation only becomes worse and more stressfull. Some mothers would rather suffer through abuse, than see their son be put into a group home. It seems like people forget sexism can target males or females.

ARamadhan said...

Although statistics and studies have shown that the majority of domestic abuse victims are women, discrimination against men is unacceptable. Families are already shattered and ill because of domestic abuse, it would make no sense to intensify the issue rather than mend it. Why is it acceptable that a male child is to be separated from his mother, and denied access to a shelter for coming short of applying to gender criteria? Men are affected by the ramifications of abuse the same way women are. They do need the same proper and professional treatment women do. The ruling of denying a human being care and shelter for the sole reason of that human being belonging to the stereotypical “offenders category” seems a little more than outrageous.
We are not perfect, and many systems that we make have flaws in them. In this case, denying someone protection based on their gender shows a major flaw in the system. That flaw has to be fixed. I think the criteria on which admittance to shelters is based should be revised. It makes no sense that a man that pays his taxes for a certain service, cannot benefit from that service when needed.

HarlequinMask said...

I think its very sexist that they do not allow males into shelters. What if it was the male being abused? What if you were that young boy, being beaten every day of your life, and then dragged to a shelter to save your life only to find on they don't allow boys over twelve. Women can assault men just as easily as men can assault women. Some stupid stereotype shouldn't be stopping them from saving some person's life.

ut its a lot better now that they allow them into the shelter. Just think of all the lives they could save. Possibly, one less kid dying in our streets, or out there experiencing the things that turn kids into murderers.

CrazyFred21 said...

Domestic violence against men by woman is probably more common than people may think. The damage woman do is probably more emotional than physical; however some men do often get physically abused. Roles have changed in America between men and woman. Women are often the bread winners of the household. This now enables woman to have much more power over a man making less money. In my opinion if a relationship is not healthy the more dominate woman can threaten men testing their emotions to the limits. If a male gets kicked out on the street he has no were to go, since the abuse shelters will not admit him in. young children accompanying their father over a certain age should also have the right to be taken into these abuse shelters. Everyone should have the right to get counseling so they can get back on their feet. Law makers definitely need to make some changes to the restrictions on abuse shelters.

Bobby Allen said...

I agree that allowing men into shelters would be a good idea because not allowing them to go to these shelters would mean that the law is one sided and favors women. There are cases in which men get hit too. In the case of children that get abused. We wonder why these kids grow up to be abusive and its because they were abused as children and thats all they know. They take out their aggresion on someone else and it becomes a cycle. To stop this we need to allow everyone into these shelters and stop abuse all together. I would be one less part of abuse that we don't have to deal with in our society.

crguy73 said...

I do not like the fact that there is a double standard in effect here. It is unfair to not allow men into shelters but allow women especially since women also commit domestic violence offenses. This is just sexism being practiced.

It is particularly disturbing that young boys are not being allowed into shelters and being sent to foster homes. Do not break up families strictly on gender!!! This is so wrong! I am glad that the Court of Appeal has reversed the decision. This is the first step to equality and I hope that this trend continues.

Alaine said...

What happened to Meagan and her father was very unfair and unjust. If that is the case with support shelters in the U.S not helping men who go through domestic violence, a lot of improvement is needed.

First of all, how many support shelters do you hear about for men? None. Our abused men have no where to go. Therefore, either they keep taking the abuse from their spouse or eventually they end up hitting their spouse in defense, and go to jail.

So why isn’t there any system set up for men? Probably because everyone thinks that men are not the victims of domestic violence and they do not need any help. But the number of abused men is rising. So therefore I believe that some type of organization can be formed (even by the men) to help men who are abused, to provide programs, shelters, and people that will listen to these men and their cases.

Lady HCC said...

I think that this is unfair and just sad. I honestly didn’t even know that these types of things were still going on in this country. It shouldn’t matter whether they are male or female, I think that every case should be looked at individually. These are children here that we are talking about. How much harm or danger could a little boy do? Regardless, these children are our future and I think that the people shouldn’t separate families because of any male father or male child. Every family and every circumstance is different. My father raised me alone for many years because he had to, and he’s a wonderful father. Had we of been in poverty, it’s sad to know that we would have been turned down for help because he’s a man. I think that we can fight this issue and change the laws if this is brought to court with many people and many cases. I hope that this is going to be fought and men will also have equal rights in this case, again these decisions should be based upon individual situations.

incendiary said...

The current state of our nations domestic violence support shelters, I believe is very good. While we do have our problems, lets be honest with ourselves, how many things exist in this world without problems? I am actually a child who comes from a family with a history of domestic violence, and I can honestly say, there is no way that I would be where I am in my life without the aid of the shelter I was taken to at a young age. Without the help of all of the government intervention, I cannot even honestly say I am not sure if me nor my family would be here right now. There are always way to improve it, and I know of certain instances where violence went on within the shelter itself, which shocked me even more. One way to improve this situation would be to have more guarded precautions to the situation. Police on the premises could possibly help as well. Just thoughts I have to put out, nothing too serious, nothing that might even be applicable, but a thought I’ve had to repress the situation.

Ian Quinn said...

Although men are almost always the one's assaulting their spouses, there is still no excuse for not providing the same shelter services for male victims of domestic violence. Men have an overwhelmingly higher tendency to lash out physically, and with potential damage than women, but to say that ONLY men lash out physically would be a false assumption. I'm sure somewhere out there, a fair share of households have domineering wives that abuse their cowardly husbands. The saying "take it like a man" doesn't apply to every last soul, and the stereotypical abusive relationship between a muscular, hard-nosed man and his woman is a broad generalization. If a dude gets assaulted by his lady, he should have an equal outlet to shelter as an abused woman (maybe not as much care) but at least access to a shelter.

Athena Smith said...

Incendiary
A very informative post!

Crystal said...

I definately think that men/boys should be allowed into shelters. They are still human beings and do not deserve to be beaten and abused just because they are male. It's ridiculous that people even let this happen. Children should NEVER have been turned away from a shelter if they were male. It's not right. Women can be just abusive as men. And female children pick up bad habits just as much as male children do. How we could turn them away and let them be shipped off to strange foster homes just because their parents were in abusive relationships is not right. If these parents seeking shelter and protection didn't care about these children they would have left them with the other abusive parent. But they love them and want to keep them and protect them, so why would we separate them?! it's absurd. I definately think that if males cause chaos or are violent in the shelters, THEN and only then should they be removed.The same should go for women. But until they have demonstrated that they are unstable and a harm to others, men should be allowed the same rights as women.

Sparker said...

I think that allowing boys into shelters would be a great help, mainly because of the potential effects it can create. If that kid were forced to stay in that abusive type of abusive of environment, that boy will simply become the way himself. If we don't provide equality in the form of equal sheltering, then there will only be more cases of abuse out there to deal with

TpetGuru said...

I do not agree with the rules about men/boys at these shelters. I have a brother who is thirteen, in the situation that my father would hurt my mom, and we were forced to run away to a shelter. I could not imagine what he would do being the ONLY child of my mother that would be sent away. Let alone what i would do, because i am so close to my brother. I understand that the shelters have to be careful of who they let in, considering a male abuser could follow his spouse that he was abusing, by playing a victim, then finding her. I think they should have male shelters also, however with the son of an abused woman, they should be allowed to stay with their mother until they are eighteen. Sending a twelve or thirteen year old to foster care because the mom is being abused. Thats not right.

TooSweet08 said...

This is a touchy subject people do tend to assume that women are always the victims. Even though the programs do try and protect women it absolutly alienates men and young boys. I think if anything they should make shelters just for men since they exclude them from the womens shelters.
Another issue is making a mother choose between safety and her child. Having to send your son away at the age of 12 just to save your own skin is a decission that shouldn't have to be made. I don't think one gender should be discriminated against if their problems are the same.

Starbuzz said...

I think that men should be alowed in shelters. Specially if its a case like the man is disabled and isn't able to work and he has to provide not only for himself but also for his daughter. Its true in most domestic violence cases the girl is the victim but leltely more and more cases show that the man is the victim. Just cause your a man dosen't mean you can not use the help give the women by the shelter. I think this is sexaist aganist men. Some may say this is just karma against men for treating women unfairly in the past. But everyone knows that two wrongs don't make a right. So yea bascialyl they should change the system and help men out also.

almostmarried said...

I believe that men should be allowed to stay in shelters. I think it's totally unfair that the the little girl, meagan, and her dad couldn't stay in the shelter, they needed help from an abusive mother and they couldn't get help because he was a man. Something really bad could have happened to the dad and nobody would help. It's ridiculous that a young teenage boy cannot go to a shelter with his mother because it puts her at danger, but at the same time the son is also in danger too! My uncle's ex wife used to beat up on him, but if it would have been the other way around it would have been a completely different story! When it comes to this I beleive that men should have every right to go to a shelter for help especially if they have a little daughter like meagan, because men can be the victim just as much as women.

Blah said...

I think that banning men from shelter's is a violation of their constitutional rights. Just because men are usually are the perpetrators in domestic violence cases doesn't mean that they are never the victims. I think that men should be allowed to go to a home or shelter, espescially young boys who their mother would eeither have to choose to put him in foster care, send him back home alone, or choose for them both to go back to the abuse together. It's very unfair to think that because it's a man they can end for themselves. There is a strong stereotype about men or boys would never get abused by another man or woman but it does happen. Men should have the equal right to get help or have a place to shelter himself from abuse.

lacrossechic8 said...

I believe that allowing males into shelters is a great idea. Young boys who are trying to get out of a bad situation with their mother or sister(s) need a place to go too. You can’t just shove a boy out of the way and expect them to be okay. When you do that they may retaliate and become a problem because no one would help them at a time of need. Males should not always be the ones to blame; females are the ones committing crimes too, and men should be treated with the same respect as women. Some women may be afraid of men in the shelters because of their experiences of abuse from a male, but the males coming in are experiencing the same thing. So why treat them differently?

livelaughlove said...

I think that its unfair to men. Especially in the situation of David and Meghan's. Men can be the victims occasionally as well. Although it may not be as often, it still can happen and this article proves that. As far as mothers only being allowed to bring girls with them into shelters, that is absurd! A woman has to give up her son in order to be set free from abuse and living in fear everyday? How ridiculous is that concept!? Both men and women, boys and girls should be able to live in these shelters, it allows for all to live better and get away from hurtful and/or harmful things or persons.

CandaceRenee07 said...

I think that every good thing has flaws. I think that any kind of shelter is better than having none. People are going to be bias and have a stereotype, that is life. Could our shelters improve? Of course !! We should look more deeply into a situation before assuming the man is the dangerous one. We should allow boys of all ages in these shelters without question. A young boy needs nurturing just like a young girl does. Who are you to judge an innocence little boy by his father or age?? This boy needs his mother just like anyone else. Everything can improve because nothing is perfect. I think the idea of allowing fathers in shelters is just a start of perfecting the shelter system.

Ronald O. Horne said...

I don’t care who reports it more or not. There are so many things that the government does to create equality between races and different sexes. I think its only fair if they make a decision to allow men into homes and or shelters. Its definitely going to help people and which makes it a good thing in my opinion. Its good if they do this because there is a lot of males that will actually use this, and they might end up becoming a larger part of the stats then previously thought of 15% of guys and 85% of women get abused or assaulted. I think this will improve a lot of other things around society

TheSexyTeddyBear said...

well i dont really know about the state of our domestic violence shelters or anything along those lines but i think that there could definitely be some improving, what doesnt need any improvements?? Although i do think it is a good thing for them to start excepting men into these shelters... i also think they should probably be talked about more (the shelters) in society... because if they were more well known more people would go to them seeking help and therefore the conditions would improve from increased demand

yo moma said...

I think that the current state of domestic violence support centers is great, no one can say that it's work doesn't do something for somebody. But there should be other things that should be a responsibility as well. They can't just ignore men/young boys because naturally men have a tendency to be violent. It's only fair that men get help too. Allowing men into shelters is a good thing.

Just think, a small woman can be just as powerful holding a bat in her hand as a man without one. Finally,atleast in shelters another battle won against inequality. That's all there is to say and hopefully this will also lead to more and more battles won.